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Writers A-AL

While pursuing a computer science degree at Texas A&M University of Corpus Christi, Abrar Ahmad gained a love of creative writing.

The Bus Stop

It is a stormy evening in a forested area. Downpour is torrential. There's a bus stop where a peculiar female waits. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't have an umbrella or a proper raincoat. So, she has no other choice but to endure the large droplets beating down on her black hair that has an odd color of purple. She clutches her worn, black leather jacket tightly as she shivers and growls. 

(GRR! I should've bought a heavy trench coat when I had the chance. Pfft! I should've stolen one from that convenience store, but that old lady was too hospitable... a malicious being would take advantage of that and ransack the place.) She looks around and growls again. (I swear if that wretched vehicle doesn't hurry up, I'll- I'll... ugh!)

Just when she decides to leave, she hears approaching footsteps. Her ears perk up; her eyes widen, and she goes on full-alert mode. She hunches, ready to pounce at her possible attacker until a bright light blinds her. She huffs, steps back, but to her surprise, holding the flashlight, is a man, wearing a trench coat. He looks at her, investigating all her strange features, like her purple hair and her pale white skin. Fortunately, the man doesn’t seem to care too much. 

The girl straightens her posture and stares awkwardly at him.

He breaks the silence. “Oh! Err, Hello there! Sorry if I startled you! I noticed something here at the stop, but I didn’t realize it is actually someone,” The Man speaks casually, like an old-timer.

The girl continues to stare. 

“Not much of a talker, are you? Well, it’s alright. We all have that one time we just don’t feel like saying anything…” The man trails off and gazes at the road, before speaking again, startling the girl. “Say, I just realized something. The way you hunched up looking at me, are you alright? You looked kind of—feral.”

The girl’s eyes widen. (Oh, hell! He’s onto me, isn’t he?! I can’t give away what I truly am! But I can’t leave now! That’ll look unusual! Fudge, looks like I have no choice but to stay here…)

He looks unnerved by her yet retains his cheerful demeanor.

(Wow, he reminds me of another old-timer I met. Though, despite his scruffy beard, he seems young…) “What’s your name?” she asks.

The man speaks abruptly. “Well? I’d like to know who you are,” he says cheerfully as he pulls out a waterproof tablet containing a list of people’s names, much to the surprise and horror of the girl.

“... B-Blaire… It’s Blaire, with an e at the end.”

“Ah! Good to know! Looks like I was a little paranoid there. I thought you were some demi-human!”

The girl’s eyes widen out of fear. She shivers crazily. The man notices.

“Oh, Merciful Lord in Heaven! Where are my manners? You need this umbrella, don’t you?” He turns off his flashlight and hands her the umbrella.

Blaire looks at the man with intrigue, but out of fear, she refuses. “N-no thank you…”

This surprises him. “Ok. Hmm… You know, you’re starting to remind me of a type of demi-human that I had trouble with…”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Oh, well, there’s these humans that sometimes don’t have the distinguishable features, like horns. Those demi-humans are demons in human skin.” he says as he places his hand in a pocket.

At this, Blaire’s heartbeat skyrockets. “Um… You don’t happen to be some sort of Demon Hunter, are you?”

The man stares her down intensely for what feels like an eternity for Blaire. “Although I do have concealed weaponry on me, I actually am not. I don’t hunt demons, for fun or for pay. The only time I hunt them down is if they do mischief, especially toward me or my family. I suspected you might be one. But, if you are, I won’t attack you, unless you strike first— which it looked like you were going to.”

(Ha, it did look like that, didn’t it?)

She embraces the man, much to his surprise. He chuckles and places an arm around her. “You know, now I don’t care how long the bus is taking,” she says.

Just then the bus pulls into the stop. Blaire stares at it in disbelief.

“Welp, here it is!” the man quips, sensing the irritation from Blaire.

The doors open, revealing an old man with white hair in his 80s or 90s, smiling widely. He motions Blaire toward the bus. She heads in and looks at the old driver with contempt. She breathes in and is about to slap the driver for his tardiness but decides not to. The driver doesn’t take notice, showing some sign of senility. The man notices Blaire’s behavior and is surprised but pleased. He pays for both as he sits with her as she looks off into the night.

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Alan Berecka was the Poet Laureate of Corpus Christi from 2017 - 2019. His work has appeared in numerous publications.

 

Note to my Future Self

the next time the universe and time conspire 

to bring you back to work in Waco at that library 

run by that maniacal director with an iron fist, 

the woman who fired your predecessor the day

he closed on his house, the woman who just put 

into policy a draconian measure—a ten dollar fine 

for each library item that sets off our anti-theft system—

accident or not—please be smart enough to ask 

the first kid with accidently bagged books for his ID 

before you explain the new policy. This simple act 

will keep that look of hope from suddenly forming 

on the his face just before he runs through the giant 

loophole you provided and out the front doors.

Note to my future self, if you see

the wily and wispy kid take off,

do not chase after him, or, if 

in the white heat of the moment,

you feel you must, please remember

you are now a middle-aged couch potato;

your soccer playing days are long,

long in the past, so do not attempt

to vault over the circulation counter;

it will not work, and your foiled attempt

will give the escaping kid a healthy

and unneeded head start.

Note to my future self, cinch up your belt

before you bolt through the library’s doors;

your dress pants have gotten a bit too small

and will work their way down your ample

sumo-sized hips with each ponderous stride, 

so just as you begin to gain on the fugitive 

and reach the brick stairs near the main fountain 

on campus, you won’t find yourself running 

on the inside of the knees of your falling britches, 

so you will not learn that tripping down brick steps 

can shred skin on exposed knees and elbows,

nor will you learn that pain and the sight of blood 

will kick in even more adrenaline as you tumble 

out of your literally half-assed Aikido roll.

Note to my future self, do not vocalize

your anger. Yelling at the top of your lungs,

“You better run you son of a bitch,

because if I catch you, by God I’ll kill you,”

will not encourage a book thief to stop.

So you will chase him through parking lots,

as he hides and crawls beneath parked cars

in an attempt to get away, until in total 

desperation he begins to sprint down 

the middle of the busiest street in town.

Note to my future self, you are about to learn

you have exercise-induced asthma.

Your past athletic career, poor as it was, 

was a minor miracle. It wasn’t a lack 

of conditioning that kept you winded 

during games. You should see a doctor 

about your lungs years before this fit sets in, 

so the rescue inhaler you now so badly need 

will be in your pocket when you find yourself 

gasping for air miles from the library.


Note to my future self, this time as you find 

yourself wallowing in defeat as you limp 

and wheeze your way back to campus 

and that homeless guy with the concerned look

stops you to say. “Hey pal, I think you need this 

more than I do,” as he extends a dirt caked hand

that opens to reveal a Halls metho–lyptus cough drop 

in a graying wrapper covered in what might be 

hair and pocket fuzz, accept his gracious offer. 

It will make both of you feel better. 

Note to my future self, when you make it back

to campus, do not return to the library,

for you will never be able answer, 

“What the hell were you going to do

if you caught him?” and no matter what 

you do from that day forward, in Waco

you will forever be known as the psycho 

librarian who nearly killed himself chasing

after a couple of cheap paperbacks.

Instead, go straight to your car, drive home,

apologize to your wife and kids,

and contemplate a career change.

 

The Great Escape

 

“He needs to find a job.”

My boozy mother’s voice

echoed throughout 

our cabin-sized house

as she worked at the stove

frying breaded pork chops.

“What the hell for? We ain’t broke”

My father home from his shift

at the sheet metal shop,

covered in sweat and grime

sat in the kitchen unlacing 

his Redwing high tops, his beer 

sweating a ring to his side

as it waited on the table.

“It’ll be good for him.

He’s not doing a damn thing

this summer, let him learn

some responsibility?” “Stella,

I’ve been working like a dog 

since I was fourteen. It ain’t taught

me didley about squat yet.” “Albert

it’s time he does some growing up.”

“Stella, he’s got one year of school

left. Let him enjoy it. He’ll be working

the rest of his life. Three months

flipping burgers can’t buy anything 

better than time.” She let the argument 

drop. I sat on my bed, book in hand, 

smiling, grateful for the reprieve.

 

Commute

 

How far can a fog lift

before it becomes a cloud?


Whatever it was, it hung

above the causeway,

a few feet above each car

and truck, as we drove

over the shallow end

of the Gulf, consumed

with the needs

of our daily commute.

I noticed how the gulls

and pelicans disappeared

diving up into the thickness

but thought little of it, until

I rounded the long curve

near the final exit,

and there it hung

like a shroud, completely

obscuring the upper two-thirds

of the Harbor Bridge.

While being pulled along

by the constant traffic,

I watched the countless

sets of tail lights

ascending into obscurity,

taking on faith that beyond

it still lies the bridge

into the city of Corpus Christi.

Alamgir Hashmi

About Ale Cota

 Alé Cota (She/They) is a trans Latiné performance artist, educator, and poet. She holds a B.A. from Carleton College in both Latin American and Gender Studies. More about Ale at the end of this section.

Plucked

Ma, there is a winged girl atop your rooftop. Enveloped in

Night, she exhales a birthing cry. Death is cyclical like that

Remember?–the first must be the last. She faces forward,

Her toes curled on the stone edge.

Goodnight never comes softly to womanly silhouettes. 

The gossip of bustling cars & doors shut from overtime appears 

Mute to her volume of hair–wearing your scarlet feathered dress–

Lifted and swaying.

It’s layered, folded to hold past selves, shelves of mangled men. 

Men who solicited her to throw away.  Find myself another tranny. 

They spit, erasing her. But there is a witness tonight. 

The cement waits for her–yearns for salacious pigment–

Her splatter to color his hunger. Ladybird 

Takes a downward flight. Passes windows filled with

Men holding different lives, men 

With different wives. 

Falling is to become, Ma. 

The ground catches her flesh–bursting. 

She figured out the meaning of life, mid-flight.

Maybe to be alive is to be half 

Half-empty 

Half dead. 

Halved in  two,

Against gravity, is the 

Situation. The memorial, crimson-feathered.

Another

Trans woman murdered, 

Another man fed. Ma, maybe the 

Bird does not sing but 

Bleeds in half-flights. 

About Ale Cota

Alé Cota (She/They) is a trans Latiné performance artist, educator, and poet. She holds a B.A. from Carleton College in both Latin American and Gender Studies. Her work primarily focuses on poetry narrating queer and trans experiences through a framework of place trauma theory. Her confessional style anchors despondence with an inclination toward triumph. She explores memory, nostalgia, and the poetics of violence within intimate, familial structures. 

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Ali Ko is an Executive Producer at Art Gallery Productions.

 

This Photo Is Representative

 

This photo is representative of an idea I had about selfies being artifacts, not of narcissism and vanity of which they are charged, but of self-introspection and feminine control of female perception. I believe that the millions of cell cameras in young girls' hands, will one day result in women becoming photographers, filmmakers, visual artists, etc. en masse. Women then would be able to create their own image and not be culturally governed by the male gaze, which reduces women to objects, who may be muses but not authors of their own art and expression. One day, we will experience full autonomy, in this neo-patriarchal society, but that can only happen when we, as women, have taken back our own representation.

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Alisa Hope Wagner is an award-winning author, editor and publisher of over 20 books she produces on her own label, Marked Writers Publishing. She married her high school sweetheart, and together they raise their three children in a Christ-centered home. Visit her site to learn more

Killing Perfection

I’m losing her

Childhood moments mourn

While secrets shade the soul

Can’t confess to perfection

Striving steals a mother’s role


Listen to what she wants

Switch to a secular station

Young hearts yearn to cry

To songs without redemption


Love can’t conceal the world

And perfection fails at saving

Produces patterns of shame 

With safe towers suffocating


Mistakes move adolescence 

Life’s troubles slide into view

Trade fear for freedom of failing

Sheltered safeguards devastate too


Canceling my own condemnation 

Merry mistakes no longer hide

Grace unites my daughter to me

As perfection commits suicide 

I’m finding her

The Alphabet of Jesus

 

My Award.

My Best.

My Clarity.

My Divinity.

My Energy.

My Freedom.

My God.

My Healing.

My Integrity.

My Joy.

My Kindness.

My Love.

My Miracle.

My Nobility.

My Obedience.

My Perfection.

My Quiet.

My Redemption.

My Strength.

My Truth.

My Understanding.

My Victory.

My Way.

My Xerox.

My Youth.

My Zeal.

 

A Mother's Fight on the Mountain

The Mother stood firmly on the base of the mountain. She anchored herself to her sword, alert to the Enemy’s arrows of condemnation flying all around her. One of the arrows pierced her thigh, but she no longer cried out. Half a dozen arrows had already dug into her flesh, and the stings combined to form a continual ache. She gripped her shield, determined to not let another arrow find its mark.

Other soldiers walked past her to make their way up on the mountain. She envied their freedom to climb, and her eyes traveled their direction to the mountaintop. She could see God’s glory radiating the pinnacle, but she quickly turned away when an arrow zipped past her cheek.

A seasoned soldier stopped to look at her.

“I see that you are a strong warrior and that you fight with dignity. I’m leading these new soldiers to the top. Why don’t you join us? You are more than ready,” the soldier said.

“I cannot leave my post,” the Mother said. “I have been called to protect the base of the mountain.”

“But you are no longer a new Christian. In fact, it is obvious that you have already surpassed many levels of the mountain. Why do you stay here at the bottom when you can easily make it to the top?” he pushed further.

The Mother looked away from the soldier and secured herself more tightly to her sword. “I have been called to stay here,” she said resolutely. “I don’t know why, but I must obey.”

“But you haven’t even used your sword,” the soldier countered.

“I may not be wielding my sword like you, but I am using it. It keeps me grounded to my position,” the Mother said.

The soldier wanted to say more, but the Mother turned her attention back to the battle line. He gripped his sword, adjusted his shield and continued his climb to the next level.

A time later, a young woman entered through the base of the mountain and stood next to the Mother, setting her shield on the ground. “Can you help me?” she asked.

“I can’t keep up with the others, and I don't know how to get to the top alone.”

The Mother looked at the young woman, holding her shield up further to protect them both. “I cannot go with you, but I can tell you what I have learned. It will help you reach the next level.”

The young woman thought for a moment. “I wish you could take me, but I’m sure your words will prove useful.”

The Mother reached in her pocket and handed a journal to the young woman. “Here is all I know. Take it with you, and you will find understanding as your travel farther.”

“But I don’t want to take all your words,” the young woman protested.

“Do not worry,” the Mother encouraged. “Every time I reach into this pocket, a new journal appears. I have given out many to other young soldiers like you.”

The young woman smiled and opened the book. The Mother continued to block the arrows as the young woman read. The words brightened the young woman’s face.

“I can tell from your words that you have already made it to the top of the mountain,” the young woman said.

The Mother’s eyes gazed at the top where God’s glory shined. “I haven’t seen the top with my eyes, but my heart has been there many times.” 

“But how could you write about the top with such detail if you haven’t been there? How do you know the path to take if you’ve never walked it?” the young woman asked confused.

“I have walked it many times by faith,” the Mother replied. “Since I’m not allowed to leave the base of the mountain, I must use the eyes of my heart and the spirit of belief to visit the top.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go with me and experience the top for yourself?” the young woman asked.

“No,” the Mother said and drove her sword deeper into the soil. “I have been called to protect the base.”

The young woman stared at the Mother for a moment. “Well, thank you for the words,” she finally said. She put the journal into her pocket, picked up her shield and started her climb to the next level.

Finally, the sky darkened, and the Mother sat down to rest. The arrows halted their flight for a time, but the Mother kept her shield against her body as a precaution. She pulled the sword out from the ground, and it morphed into a small pen. She took out the journal from her pocket and began to write—every now and then she would look at the mountaintop and whisper soft prayers.

As she prayed, she saw a light descending down the side of the mountain. The light became brighter as seconds went by, and suddenly it filled the base of the mountain where she sat. A man stood in front of her with books filling his arms, and the light from the mountaintop reflected off of his gold armor. He unloaded his burden next to the Mother and sat on the ground beside her shield.

“Do you want to sit behind my shield,” the Mother offered, squinting her eyes from the bright reflection of the light.

“No, the arrows no longer pierce me,” he said with a smile.

“You have been to the top of the mountain,” the Mother stated.

“Yes, I have,” he said with a nod.

"Is that why your armor shines?" she asked.

"Yes, but only for a time. I will travel to many levels of this mountain, and the dirt and grime will subdue the glow," he answered.

"Will you be sad?" the Mother asked.

"No, people are more willing to take my words when they are not blinded," he said. "Besides, I can go back to the top anytime and my armor will be like new again."

“What’s it like at the top?” the Mother asked.

“It’s the most amazing place I have ever seen,” he answered.

The Mother looked up. “I wish I could go up there.”

“You have,” he said.

The Mother looked at the man. “I know I’ve been there by faith, but I long to really experience it,” she said.

“You will,” he said. “But now you are needed here.”

“I know,” she said, looking down at her journal. “I must be patient.”

“What you are doing here is very important,” the man said.

“I don’t feel like I do much,” the Mother said honestly. “I share my words with those who are seeking, but other than that, I only protect the base of the mountain.”

The man looked at her surprised. “You are not protecting the mountain,” he said.

The Mother looked at the man’s eyes. The light from his face began to warm her cold skin. “What do you mean?”

“You are protecting them,” he said, pointing to her lap. She looked down and saw her three children curled up safely against her. Her two younger children were asleep, and the oldest looked up at her intently.

“I no longer feel the weight of them,” the Mother said, staring tenderly at her young children. “Their burden is my joy.”

“They are the reason you must wait,” he said softly.

The Mother stroked the cheeks of her two sleeping children and nodded at her oldest with a smile. “I would do anything for them,” she said in a hushed voice.

The man nodded his approval. “You have taken their arrows and kept them safe from the attacks of the Enemy. The two that are sleeping haven’t been awakened to salvation yet, but they soon will be. And you see the oldest? He is watching you, learning from your every move. When he is ready, he will move quickly up this mountain and bring many soldiers with him.”

The Mother put down her pen, so she could wipe the tears with the back of her hand. “I didn’t realize,” she managed.

The man began to gently pull out each arrow from the woman’s flesh. “You are very strong because you have learned to be patient and to obey. Your journey may seem slow, and it may be difficult to see others pass you by; but you carry a heavy load. Your children will be great warriors at a very young age because of your obedience. They will change the world for Christ.”

The woman thought of the many years she waited without knowing why. “Your words have renewed my hope,” she said.

“The Master has sent me to encourage you,” the man replied. "He wants me to tell you that He is pleased with your belief."

“My belief?” the Mother asked not fully understanding.

“Your belief helps you to abide on the mountaintop that He placed inside your heart,” he said, pointing to her. “That mountain is where God’s presence dwells.”

The Mother laid her hand on her chest and closed her eyes, as the revelation began to take root.

“I must go,” the man said, as he got up.

“I understand,” the Mother said, looking back up at him. “Thank you for sharing your words with me.”

“I brought more of my words,” he said, motioning to the stack of books. “Read them and stay rooted in His Word, and you will gain peace and courage to stand strong.”

The Mother took one of the books and flipped through its pages. “Yes, I already feel strengthened,” she confirmed.

“I am glad. It gives me joy in my sacrifice,” he said and turned to leave.

“Wait!” the Mother called out. “I’ll see you at the top someday.”

The man smiled. “Sooner than you think,” he said and disappeared.

  

 

One Way Up (Illustration by Albert Morales) (from Six Shorts)

BUY SIX SHORTS 

The breath within her halted as her body floated lifelessly in currents of the arid compound explosion. The numbing noise beat her eardrums to submission. For a moment, she thought she would stay in the sordid status for unceasing suspension—a time of infinite torment. Finally, her body crunched onto the concrete like a bird flying into thick glass. No shattering, though. Stunned but awake. She still lived; all bones were intact but dying would be easier. Hot oxygen filled her lungs once more. Hope seemed too elusive to grasp, but the adrenaline pumping through her veins vexed her to advance. 

It happened all at once, this madness. Aliens, demons, hybrids of some sort—all fighting humans. Men and women wearing camouflage with flailing limbs as blood splayed across their uniforms and USA-patched sleeves, called to duty and to dying, and most were fleeing. The monsters hunched over the soldiers like falling mountains eager to crush them. 

Where were the civilians like her? Normal men and women and children. Dead? Hidden? Safe? No thoughts. Just run. Get to a place with less screams, less blood, less madness.

An alien haunted her side view. Anger streaked across his face. Hate thundered even more. His appearance didn’t simply send shivers down her spine. Her entire body wanted to freeze with fear. She would have laughed at the cliché of words in earlier days as an English major earning her Master of Arts Degree. Her greatest fear only a week ago was getting a low grade for a course or not having enough money for rent. How easy those days now seemed since the monsters revealed themselves. No spaceships. No warning. They simply appeared as if they were already on earth dwelling among them unseen. 

The words “steal, kill and destroy,” rang through her mind like the shockwave of the bomb that flung her to the ground. Sounded familiar. Maybe from the college Bible club her roommate dragged her to. God? No thanks. His Son coming to Earth? It all sounded ridiculous at the time. Now surrounded by monsters the prospect of a Savior sounded less preposterous. A sharp snarl scraped behind her. Run faster. This enemy’s shadow usurped her on every level. No win in the books for the undervalued humans who now seemed like mere bugs. The bugs had not scared and scattered. The monsters had no agenda but to terminate. At first, she thought it was a political ploy but listened to the news as heads of state all over the world succumbed to invasion. Famous people too. The list of dead names multiplied like rocks being hurled in a hurricane from the quiet yards of island homes. The hurricane must have ripped through the news too as the monsters silenced them. 

A college student wouldn’t survive this apocalypse if the rich and famous fell. Yet, suddenly, she sensed a clearing in the morbid mayhem that smiled on the mess. Not a Savior but maybe a way out. The beast chasing her tore up another victim that ran just behind her. She felt the victim's blood splash against the back of her shirt. It gave her just enough time to follow the civilians who ran with intuition. What did they know that she didn’t? They silently slipped into this underground holding area. No aliens. Only people running into the quieter shadows. The light evaporated to a hazy dusk. The bombings blared less. A large, thick gate blocked the way, but a man pulled out a key and unlocked it. He held the metal door open as the civilians and some soldiers passed through the slim entrance. He was just about to shut the door.

“Let me in!” she screamed.

He looked at her and shook his head. “You don’t have access.”

“But you just let all those people in with your key. Would you leave me behind with monsters killing everyone?” 

“They asked to enter beforehand,” he said simply.

“I’m asking now!” 

He looked beyond her to the blood-stained devastation. “I will let you in, but the hope you are looking for is not down here.” 

He held the door open briefly, and she glided in. What did he mean there was no hope down here? He had just let dozens of people in. This place had to be safer than outside. The man locked the door behind her and ran forward. The dark atmosphere caused her pupils to fully dilate. She needed to find the man and the others. Where had they gone? Something was different about them. They rushed with purpose, and confusion didn’t distort their faces. They had some secret of safety. 

Before she could look for them, she stepped several feet back and gaped. Unspoiled uniforms were working on a massive wall-lined machine barely lit up with dangling light bulbs hanging from long wires connected to the high ceiling. The soldiers moved with knowledge and efficiency. She covered her mouth to mute her scream. Women strapped to neo-electric chairs lined the angular, dense walls to the right of the machine. Black disks attached to their breasts sucked down milk, and the white fluid mixed with a concoction of chemicals pumped through hoses into the machine. Buttons on the machine glowed as a pressed uniform soldier took out a vile of tainted white liquid and pressed it into a weapon she had never seen before. 

The woman’s legs were immobile for a moment as her mind computed but could not calculate what she beheld. 

“It’s chemical warfare,” a voice said behind her. She turned. It was the man with the key. 

“It’s their final attempt to kill the demons, but you can’t kill what’s not living.”

“Why breast milk?” she asked abhorred.

“It makes the demons vanish. They think if they mix deathly chemicals with it, the mixture will kill them.” 

“Will it work?” she asked, hopefully.

Again, he shook his head. “You can’t fight powers of darkness with flesh and blood. It will destroy the world.” 

“And us?”

He looked back toward the gate he had opened. “The world is already being destroyed.”

He gazed at her for several seconds. “The Way was given to you many times, and you dismissed it. You didn’t ask for the Way because you didn’t see your need.”

“I see my need now!” 

“Your need for a Savior or your need for a way out?”

“Either will work!” she exclaimed.

“That’s not how this works. You must want the Savior as your Way out.”

“Fine, what do I need to do?”

“You accept the fact that you are a sinner, repent and ask for the salvation gifted to you by God’s Son, Jesus.”

She felt uncomfortable with his words. She lived a good life. She didn’t hurt people. She had no regrets and nothing to be sorry for. Suddenly, she saw the way out. The civilians and the few soldiers were climbing up steep ladders into holes that led up. She could see light streaming from the openings. That’s the secret they knew. That was the way out. The government must have saved an oasis knowing this was going to happen, and only a few knew about it. Now she knew. She didn’t need to talk to this key-keeper anymore. She saw the way out.

She didn’t bother talking to the man. She ran to the closest ladder that lined the walls opposite of the chemical-milk machine. She grabbed hold of the first rung of the ladder. She could feel the light and warmth on her face already. She would make it. Just a college student, and she found the way out. The government had kept the escape quiet. Probably for the prestigious people of the world. Still it didn’t make sense that so many famous and rich people died. Wouldn’t they have known? She grabbed rung after rung until she was at the entrance to the circular hole in the ceiling. She could see the oasis. Her eyes beheld beauty. Flower-lined meadows. Light radiating everywhere but not from a sun that she could see. People laughing. Kids playing. Joy. Love. Peace. She could sense it all. She just needed to get in.

But then she noticed the way was blocked. Iron rods halted her entrance. 

“Why are you blocked?” she demanded of the round exit from the ruin below. “I saw dozens of people enter through. Why are you stopping me from entering?” She looked to her left. “Fine, I will go to another one.” She quickly made her way down the long ladder and ran to the one next to it. She climbed up every rail and again she saw the light and the warmth. Sensed the joy, love and peace. Again, the way was blocked. 

“What is going on with you? I just saw people go through into the oasis.”

The sounds from the chemical machine blared. They were done mixing their milk and chemical concoction. The uniforms were lining up to wield their chemical weapon on the enemy outside. They were about to open the gates and let the monsters in. She needed to hurry up. She slid down this ladder and went to the next one. Out of breath, she crawled up. Again, the way was blocked. 

“Why can I get through you?” she screamed at the opening. Suddenly, a sign appeared above the entrance. It had all the world’s religions written on it. As she read each one, a punch of fear hit her gut. Then the key-keeper on the other side of the entrance looked at her. He had sadness on his face though the atmosphere around him was saturated with joy. He shook his head. “Those religions won’t help you.”

“No religion can help me! I just need a way out!”

“I offered you the Way, and you discarded it,” he said. 

“No, you didn’t. You tried to hide these ladders and openings to this oasis from me.”

He shook his head again. “I offered you the true Way, and you didn’t take it. You never accepted Him.”

“What is this Way? Some Jesus? Some Cross?”

The gate below was open now, and gunfire echoed through the underground lab. She held onto the ladder and looked behind her. The soldiers were shooting monsters. They would disappear, but the soldier shooting instantly screamed out in pain and fell in convulsions. They were dying. The soldiers. The deadly chemicals saturated the air, and she began to cough. “Let me in!” 

He shook his head one final time. “The entrance is closing now. I will leave you with these final words. ‘Jesus is the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Him.’ I tried to help you find the Way, but you wouldn’t accept Him. I am sorry. I did all I could do, but the free will choice was yours.”

Then the lights of the entrance went black. The sense of joy, love and peace vanished, leaving her in terror. She looked behind her and coughed again, but this time blood wetted her mouth. The chemicals acted quickly. The soldiers were all dead. The demons gone, but they fulfilled their purpose. They killed the humans by tricking them into killing each other. She looked back at the blocked entrance. The Way out was not a hole in the ceiling. It was God in the flesh, and she would not accept Him.

AllysonLarkin.jpg

Allyson Larkin is a family physician specializing in wound care.  She reads and writes voraciously in her spare time.

 

Dryfall

 

Matt Still retreated to the tiny sliver of shade provided by the emaciated salt cedar growing behind his trailer. This day was shaping up to be the same as every one that had preceded it in Dryfall, Texas. The sun baked the asphalt, cracked the dirt, and leeched the spirit out of every living thing. The air was so hot and dry it burned the back of his throat.

He watched the three men readjusting the huge truck-mounted drill bit in his back pasture, driving it into the rocky soil. They’d been at it since seven and hadn’t hit a drop of water. He’d sold his father’s F-250, the only thing with any cash value on the place, to raise the money to drill. He’d been sure they’d hit water if they just went deep enough. The Sandovals had and so had Mr. Smith down by the river—and Smith didn’t know his ass from his nose.

When Rudy, the drill mechanic, lumbered over wiping his face with a dirty rag, Matt knew the news wasn’t good. 

“Nothing at 200.”

Matt frowned, “Of course not. Nothing with this place is ever easy.”

“You want us to keep on?”

Matt worked the stubble on his chin, his gut churning. He was gambling on water just like his dad used to gamble on Eight Liners, and it looked like his luck was shaping up to be just as crap. If this well came up dry, he was flat broke. Maybe Ally was right. Maybe he was following his dad’s footsteps straight to hell. 

“Too late to back out now,” Matt peeled ten twenties out of his wallet leaving one lonely bill behind. Rudy and his guys were working off the clock as a favor, so it was a cash deal. 

“Keep on to 350. But that’s the end of my money, so make it count.” 

Rudy slapped him on the shoulder. “We’ll find it, boss. I feel it in my bones.”

Matt snorted. “When was anybody ever your boss?”

“The man with the dinero is always the boss. Even when he’s a candy ass like you.”

Matt shook his head, “Whatever you say, but I can’t watch. I’ll be in the shed. Let me know when you hit it.”

When, not if, as if believing could make it happen. What was it his mother used to say? If wishes were horses… 

******

True to form, Matt’s father had died at the worst possible time, right in the middle of finals in the fall term of his senior year. Matt was just one semester away from his mechanical engineering degree. This had surprised no one more than Matt, himself, who’d pretty much only gone to college to follow Ally.

Her mom had gotten him the college admission and scholarship applications and stood over his shoulder until he filled them out at her kitchen table. Mrs. Sandoval didn’t have a high school degree herself, but the woman believed in education. After Matt’s mother left them, Mrs. Sandoval picked him and his brother, Dave, up at the bus stop along with her own four kids every day and sat them all down at the kitchen table to do homework—every bit of it, no breaks, till they were done. Then she fed them dinner and dropped Dave and Matt at their front gate in time for bed.

Her efforts for education succeeded. All of her own kids went to college, and Ally was now an intern in emergency medicine in Lubbock. Dave was the lone holdout refusing college; but even there, Mrs. Sandoval managed to get him enrolled in a welding program. Now he made damn good money working offshore.

Matt, it turned out, was good at math. More than good. Numbers and engines made sense to him in ways people never did. He’d kept the pumps, trucks, and generators going on his place and the Sandoval’s from the time he was twelve. So at West Texas State, engineering was a good fit. He managed to slog his way through, working on the side to pay his bills.

He had been planning to drive to Lubbock to visit Ally after exams, when he got the call from Mrs. Miller, the owner of Dryfall Feed and Hardware.

“Matt, I’m real sorry to tell you, but your daddy passed,” Mrs. Miller said in her low smoker’s growl.

“Dad? Dead?” Matt stopped cold in the middle of the walkway sure he’d heard wrong. The throng of students parted and pushed past him like a rock in a river. “You’re certain?” 

“Wouldn’t call if I wasn’t. Sometime on Saturday we think.” Mrs. Miller continued, her words reaching Matt like echoes down a long hall. “Your dad went to the annual Wild Game Supper at the general store and was stewing himself in Jack Daniels per usual, when he got in a fight with Mr. Garza. Called him a wetback.”

Matt winced. The Garza family had lived in Dryfall at least as long as the Stills, but his dad considered them interlopers by virtue of their last name and preferred language. 

Apparently, Mr. Garza’s son-in-law didn’t know Mr. Still was famously full of shit and took offence. A fight commenced pretty much along racial lines, and at some point, his dad took a beer bottle to the head. He was off his rocker after that. So Greg Ferguson, the closest thing his dad had to a friend, dragged him home and put him to bed. The next morning, his dad didn’t get up to move his horse or fill his troughs, so Greg looked in on him. His Dad was dead, stiff in bed. 

“We need you to come home right away and make the funeral arrangements,” Mrs. Miller finished. 

Matt closed his eyes struggling to make sense of it all. He’d had a huge blowout with his dad the last time he saw him. He’d been planning to propose to Ally after graduation, and for reasons beyond all reckoning, decided to share his plans with the old man. His dad hadn’t liked the idea, and one thing led to another, and he ended up giving Matt a black eye. Matt hadn’t spoken to him since. Matt had figured things would blow over. They always had. Now, he’d never get the chance to say sorry or even screw you for that matter. It left him feeling unfinished like a half-eaten meal. 

Matt called Dave right away. “Just fly back and get things set with the funeral home,” Matt pleaded, “I’ll come as soon as I finish exams.”

“Screw em,” Dave replied. “Bastard can rot where he lies for all I care.” 

It was the response Matt had expected. The old man had been shit for a father with a heavy hand, and Dave was not the type to forgive. So Matt arranged to take the rest of his finals after break and headed home that same day. 

As soon as Matt arrived in Dryfall, the sheriff, their cousin from way back along the family tree, came to see him. He wanted to know if Matt wanted to pursue an investigation. According to the pathologist report, his dad had died from a bleed in the brain. There was confusion as to who’d struck the fatal blow, but it was likely Garza’s son-in-law. The pathologist’s report also noted that his father’s liver was shriveled and his right lung had a mass the size of a baseball. He’d have been dead in a year, two at the outside, regardless. 

Matt shook his head. “Done is done. They probably saved him some suffering.” 

It was more than the old man deserved. He’d driven Matt’s mother away, and even at ten years old, Matt couldn’t blame her—except for leaving him and Dave behind to face things alone. 

Matt wondered if she knew about Dad. He supposed he ought to tell her. It might come as a relief. He’d heard from Mrs. Smith that she’d married a rancher and moved to New Mexico. Matt had always meant to look her up, but up to now hadn’t. If she didn’t have a damn good reason for never sending him a word, he might end up hating her too; and there just wasn’t enough room inside him for that. 

The funeral arrangements were made, and the body was cremated two days later. Mrs. Sandoval even managed to scrape together a few mourners for a short service. Then, surprisingly quick, it was  over. 

Dave finally showed up at suppertime, and they sat alone in the trailer with the shiny, gold urn Ally had picked out. It was bizarrely out of place in the dingy gloom of the trailer and seemed to glower down at them from on top of the entertainment center. Matt and Dave escaped to the back porch and finished the last of their dad’s Jack Daniels.

Matt stared at the sky. “I wonder if Dad is up there, somewhere.” 

Dave snorted, “I’m pretty sure he went straight the other way.” He spit a gob of tobacco into the fire. It flared and sizzled as if making his point. 

“I asked Mom once why she fell in love with Dad,” Matt said. “She told me he two-stepped his way into her heart. She said he was the best dancer in Terrell county and told jokes so funny she laughed till her ribs hurt.”

Dave shook his head, “Hard to imagine.”

Matt had to agree, where does so much laughter and dancing disappear to? “What do you think about fixing this place up? With solar panels and a well we could run a full-scale goat operation here.”

“Hell, no. Sell this patch of weeds.”

“Think about it, Dave. We could finally make this place good for something besides bad memories, like the Sandoval place.”

“You’re a colossal dumb ass if that’s what you think. But do what you want. I don’t give a shit.” 

“It wasn’t all bad you know.” 

Dave shook his head and retreated back inside, the screen door banging closed behind him. 

He was three years younger and couldn’t remember the good times like Matt did. And there had been good times, especially before their mother left. Cool nights they made blazing bonfires and lay on blankets staring up at the huge black sky. Matt liked to trace the slow paths of satellites from horizon to horizon. The stars were so bright they seemed to reach down and tag him with their twinkling tails. 

Hot summer afternoons they lounged on the couch in their Superman Underoos luxuriating in the cool breeze of the window AC and watched movies with their mother for hours. Matt’s favorite was about a little long-neck dinosaur whose mother died protecting him from a sharp tooth. After her death the tiny dinosaur wandered frightened across a desertscape full of danger until he made friends who helped him along the way. Matt watched the movie so many times it grew scratchy and finally snagged in the VCR. 

Looking back, Matt wondered if his mother had known, even then, that she would leave him one day; and if maybe, somehow, he’d known it too, and that was why he’d loved that poor motherless dinosaur so much. 

When Matt and Dave were older they spent entire days outside playing cowboys and bandits in the huge expanse of desert. They explored the hidden valleys and brown flats becoming junior naturalists without even realizing it. Matt, who’d always liked lists, counted the deer, hogs, and coyotes, that teemed in the arroyos and hidden canyons. Dave captured lizards, mice, even snakes and kept them as pets in two old, cracked aquariums they rescued from the trash heap behind the general store. Dave would sneak up behind the snakes, even corals and diamond backs, and snag them with an old swimming pool skimmer undaunted—no—excited by the danger. 

This lack of fear had scared Matt about Dave even as a kid, but he admired his brother for it, too. Dave was a man of action and opinion. Angry often, happy only sometimes, but he was never overwhelmed by the whirling blackness of his own thoughts as Matt so often was.

Rain was rare, but roared when it came, forming roiling rivers in the dry creek beds. Afterwards Matt and Dave scavenged through the heaps of debris left behind, finding railroad ties, horseshoes, old forks and spoons, bottles and cans, once even a Spanish doubloon. Lost treasures, Matt had imagined. He still had a box full of the stuff under his bed. 

As a boy it gave him a sense that he owned a place in the history of the land; and he had to admit, in his heart, he believed it still. Maybe that was why he couldn’t let the land go. He owed it to their great, great grandfather who had homesteaded the place after the Civil War, and their grandfather who had doubled their acreage, and even his dad though the only legacy he’d left behind was a trailer pretty much held together with plywood and duct tape.

The next morning when Matt woke, Dave was already gone. Matt knew he wouldn’t be coming back. Matt climbed back into bed and stayed there all day. Then he slept in the next day and the next. Before he knew it he’d missed a week of classes. Then it was too late to take his finals or start the next semester. 

Ally lost it when she learned Matt hadn’t gone back. She drove back to Dryfall and literally tried to pack him up herself. 

“If I leave now I’ll never come back. It will all be lost. Look at Dave,” Matt tried to explain.

“This whole thing is nothing but an apology to a man who doesn’t deserve it. Your dad was a total shit. I’m sorry to say it, but you know it’s true. You staying here and drinking yourself into a pickle will never change that fact.”

“Just give me a year,” Matt pleaded. “If I can’t make a go of it by then, I’ll go back to school.” 

“Take as long as you need. I’m done.” 

Ally cried as she got into her car and pulled out slowly, giving Matt plenty of time to stop her. He almost grabbed his bag and ran after her; but some freak gravitational pull locked him in place. He watched Ally’s car until it was a dot on Highway Ninety, knowing full well he was making the biggest mistake of his life. 

*****

Now, six months later, Ally was still so pissed she wouldn’t answer his phone calls or texts. Matt glared at the brown flat curve of horizon melting into nothingness all around him. He felt a chill despite the blazing heat and the ground seemed to tilt beneath his feet. Matt, grabbed a wrench, and slid underneath the 4x4 Bronco he had up on blocks. 

Ally was right. If he wasn’t careful, this place was gonna lift him up and drop him right off the edge of the world like it had his dad. Matt drained the oil out of the pan then went to work on the spark plugs. Ally was the light in the dark spaces of his mind. Without her it was all for shit, regardless. Once he got the Bronco back running, water or no, he’d drive to Lubbock and talk to her. She wouldn’t ignore him if he came in person. And if she made him choose, he would—the right way this time.

Matt was popping in the last spark plug when Rudy sauntered around the corner. 

“We’re in business.”

Matt jumped so fast he slammed his head on the hood, “You serious?” 

Rudy gave Matt a thumbs up. “Never doubt the Rudinator.”

Matt grinned, “The Rudinator is not a compliment. You know that, right?” 

Rudy snorted. “Come see your water, Jefe.” 

Matt forced himself to keep Rudy’s slow pace as they walked to the well. He bent down and inspected the gauge. The needle was all the way right, full pressure. Tension uncoiled inside him. He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his face, embarrassed by the moisture that filled his eyes, then bent closer to see. The depth on the shaft was 450 feet. “Aww Dude, you went way deeper. I’m not sure-”

“No worries. The Rudinator takes care of his compadres-but keep it on the down low.” 

“You bet, thanks.” Matt grabbed the big man by both shoulders and tried to give him a hug.

Rudy shoved him away. “Get off me white boy. I’m not your girlfriend. But it’s good to have you back. This place will be real nice with you working it. It’s good land.”

Matt laughed. “If you like rocks, snakes, and heat.”

“Exactly.” Rudy folded his oversized body into the cab of the truck and saluted. “See you.” 

He pulled out, leaving Matt coughing, in a cloud of dust. Matt fumbled for his keys, then headed straight for the Bronco. It was a long drive, but if he booked it he might make it by dinner. Ally liked pizza… 

 

 

Chupacabra

 

The school bus sped away in a cloud of dust. Tony started up the steep drive to the ranch house. The afternoon sun baked the back of his neck. His backpack bit into his shoulders and sweat dripped into his eyes. 

Tony wiped his face and rolled his neck. He swallowed hard. Ever since his mom died in the car wreck six weeks ago, he felt like he couldn’t take a full breath. It was like an invisible hand was wrapped around his throat choking him all day long. 

He kicked a rock. It ricocheted off a stump and hit him in the knee. It figured. Tony was mad all the time but couldn’t figure out at who. His mother for dying? His father for dishing him off on his grandpa? His grandpa for living so far out in the country that he had to ride the bus an hour to school? 

When Tony finally reached the house, he was surprised to see the sheriff’s truck parked out front. The sheriff and Tony’s grandpa were deep in conversation.

“Two sheep. Completely drained of blood on Wednesday,” the sheriff said. “And last night, three calves and Mrs. Smith’s Blue Heeler. All dead, with nothing but puncture wounds on their necks.”

“No other injuries?” Tony’s grandpa asked.

“None.” The sheriff shrugged. “It’s the darndest thing.” 

“It’s a Chupacabra,” Tony’s grandpa said. “They’ve been round these parts before.”

The sheriff laughed. “I’d not jump to that conclusion, Mr. Saenz. More likely a cougar wandering out of the mountains. Still, you’d best pen your stock tonight.” 

Tony’s grandpa didn’t argue. “Thanks for letting us know.”

As soon as the sheriff pulled away, Tony said, “Grandpa, you can’t go talking like that. People will think you’re crazy.” 

Grandpa shook his wooly, grey head. “Crazy is denying what’s right before your eyes. Cougars eat their prey. They don’t suck their blood.” 

Inside, his grandpa pulled a faded photo from a drawer. It was Tony’s mother. She was about his age and had long brown pigtails and was cradling a baby goat with a pink collar in her arms. 

“The Chupacabra killed Lulu, your mother’s favorite goat, last time it was round these parts. Your mother cried for days.” 

Tony walked away. He didn’t want to talk about his mother. It felt like the blood was being sucked out of him every time he tried.

After dinner Tony headed outside to round up the goats. Once there had been a whole herd on the ranch. But now his grandpa only kept a nanny, a billy, and a baby goat born last spring. 

The baby was black with white patches above each hoof and looked like she’d stepped in a can of paint. She followed Tony around when he did his chores, chewing on his sleeves and begging for treats. 

Grandpa had told Tony he could name her, but Tony hadn’t. He didn't want to care about a baby goat—or anything else for that matter. Still, he fed her the best scraps and made sure she got her fair share of oats and hay before the bigger goats moved in. At night he brushed her till her coat shined.

The nanny and the billy were dozing under the porch and refused to come out when Tony called. He had to crawl underneath and pull them out by their collars. The billy gave Tony a sharp nip on his hand to show his displeasure, but both were happy enough when Tony filled their troughs with fresh hay and water. 

Then, Tony searched the yard for Baby Goat calling and shaking a cupful of Cheerios, but she didn’t answer. He walked the entire back pasture, but she wasn’t there, either. So he headed down the hill to the meadow by the river, carefully avoiding the family cemetery that stood on its edge. 

The meadow had been Tony's favorite spot on the ranch when he was a kid. It was shady and next to the river with a nice fishing hole. But now, since his mother had been buried there, a fresh mound of brown dirt marking the spot; he hated the place. He hadn’t fished a single time, even though Grandpa had bought him a new rod and reel.

Tony scoured the underbrush walking up and down the river’s edge calling for Baby Goat, but she was nowhere to be seen. He gave up when it was too dark to see.

“Any luck?” Grandpa asked when Tony returned. 

Tony shook his head. 

Grandpa squeezed Tony’s shoulder with his strong, gnarled hand. “She'll wander on home when she’s ready.”

Tony nodded and headed to bed. He hadn’t slept well since his mom died. During the day he could barely hold his eyes open. But at night his brain ran on overdrive replaying memories of his mother. 

Grandpa had brought her old comic books and baseball cards down from the attic. Tony pored over them. Baseball was Tony’s sport, and his mother had loved it, too. They both played third base. She’d played softball in college and after that on a woman’s league. She'd been on her way to a tournament when her car was hit by the tractor trailer. 

He was staring at the clock at midnight, when he heard an urgent, high-pitched bleat. He hopped out of bed slipping his bare feet into his boots, grabbed the flashlight on the counter next to the door, and ran outside toward the sound. The cries continued frantic and shrill. 

Tony sprinted through the yard and into the pasture wearing only his boxers and boots. Brambles tore his skin, but he didn’t slow. The bleating led him to the top of the hill. He hesitated, wondering if he should get his grandpa. But then Baby Goat cried even louder. There was no time. 

As he raced down the slope, a cloud passed over the moon. The darkness became so deep, Tony couldn’t even see his feet. He stumbled on rocks and ruts but didn’t slow. He followed Baby Goat’s maws into the meadow then skidded to a stop. The bleating was coming from the cemetery. 

He shined his flashlight inside the stone walls, but the thin yellow light couldn’t penetrate the thick mist.. It hovered over the ground hugging the tombstones like a living thing. It seemed to breathe.

Tony wanted to help Baby Goat, but his feet were frozen as if chained to the ground. He looked around for someone, anyone, to help him. But he was all alone.

Baby Goat shrieked again, higher now, desperate. The sound made the hairs stand straight up on Tony’s arms. But, somehow, released the lock on his feet. 

Tony opened the gate and ran inside. A huge beast like a hairless, coyote with thick, grey skin crouched over baby goat pinning her tiny body to the stone wall with a giant paw. 

“Get out of here!” Tony yelled.

The beast looked up at Tony with angry yellow cat eyes. Blood dripped from its two long, curved incisors. Tony smashed the beast’s muzzle with his flashlight. The beast roared and raised up on its hind legs towering over Tony. 

Tony turned and ran. The ground shook as the beast pursued him. He could feel the beast’s hot, rancid breath on his neck. It was gaining on him. Tony focused every ounce of his energy into running as fast as he could toward the river praying the beast could not swim.

But barely a foot from the water’s edge, the beast roared and leapt onto Tony’s back, knocking him to the ground. As he fell he glimpsed a girl running towards him through the mist. She held a baseball bat in front of her like a club. 

Then, Tony’s head smashed the ground. The beast pierced his neck with its razor incisors. Tony screamed as blood began to flow out of him. In that moment the girl reached them. She struck the beast with her bat. It roared, releasing Tony. The girl whacked the beast again, swinging the bat as if she was hitting a line drive. Tony heard the crack as the bat impacted the beast’s skull. 

The beast yelped and took off running along the river’s edge. The girl knelt next to Tony and pressed her hand against his bleeding neck. 

“Don't worry. I'll take care of you.” 

Tony wondered, briefly, why she seemed so familiar. Then he blacked out.

When Tony came to, light shone through the barn window. His grandpa was crouched over him. 

Tony sat up. “Grandpa, how did you get me up the hill?” 

“I found you here, just now.” 

The events of the night rushed back to him. Tony brought his hand to his neck. A thick dressing was taped to his skin. 

“Grandpa, a chupacabra killed Baby Goat. And there was a girl—”

“Baby Goat is fine.” Grandpa pointed. “She’s here with you.”

Sure enough, Baby Goat lay curled next to Tony with a bandage on her neck that matched his own. She had a collar, too. It was faded pink but clearly read, “Lulu.”

Grandpa sat back on his heels. “Isn't that strange?” 

Tony scratched Lulu’s chin. She mawed and butted him gently with her baby horns. 

Every inch of Tony’s body ached, but he didn’t care. For the first time since his mother died, the invisible hand had released its grip on his throat. He could breathe again.

 

Jesus Lopez Mows His Lawn

Jesus Lopez mows his own lawn. So do I of course. So do most of us; but Mr. Lopez is paraplegic. Twenty-five years ago, a bullet lodged in Jesus Lopez’s back severing the neurologic connection between his spine and legs. Now no signal reaches the muscles below his waist. Paralysis and deformity ensued. His feet are contracted and twisted upside down so that they look like curved bowls -- no good for walking or even standing for that matter. So, Mr. Lopez mows his yard in his wheelchair. 

***************************************************************

Mr. Lopez’s home health nurse keeps calling me, complaining that his dressings are dirty or have fallen off when she goes out to care for him three times a week. She can’t figure out why. So this visit I’ve got to have a “heart to heart” with him about his role in the healing process.

“Mr. Lopez, you won’t heal unless you are compliant with our wound care plan. If your dressings are dirty or wet when the home nurse sees you, you will never heal.”

“Sorry Doctora.” That is what he calls me. “I think it might be the mowing. I’ll tie a grocery bag on my foot from now on to keep the bandage clean.”

“Mowing? How do you manage that?”

“I pull my chair right up next to the mower so I can pull the crank at the same time I squeeze the start paddle on the handle.”

“It’s a push mower?” I cannot believe what I am hearing.

“You bet, self-propelled. Once I get it started, the mowing is easy.”

I shake my head.

“I pull my chair up behind the mower and push it with my left hand. I drive the wheelchair with my right.”

“That doesn’t sound safe,” I say as I inspect the horseshoe-shaped ulcer on top of his right foot, which due to his contractures, is actually resting on the footplate of his wheelchair. 

“I tie that belt around my legs to keep them from flopping if I hit a rut.” Mr. Lopez points to a frayed brown leather belt draped on the edge of his seat. A jagged tear in the cushion has been repaired with silver duct tape and a shopping bag chock full of gear -- a sack lunch, an umbrella, a blanket -- hangs off the handles. “I’ve never had a bit of trouble.”

The wound is pink and shallow. It looks like it should heal right up; but never does. It is maddening. “Dirt and debris getting into your dressing isn’t doing your foot much good either,” I say.

“I have to do it, Doctora. I have a big yard and if I don’t keep it cut, the city will fine me $75. I’m not made of money. ”

That’s true. He gets to my office by bus, but unlike a lot of my bus patients, he is never late. I should have Mr. Lopez give a class: “How to Master Public Transportation and Arrive On Time.” I didn’t even know he took the bus until one day I ran so late that I made him miss the last pick-up. He had to borrow the phone at the front desk to shift around for someone to pick him up. 

*********************************************************

“Jesus Lopez’s mother died,” my medical assistant warns me before I go in for our next visit. 

“I'm so sorry, Mr. Lopez,” I say as I look at his foot. 

“Thank you Doctora. I miss her. We were very close, but she was old. It was her time.” 

“You lived with her?” 

“Yes, just her and I. The house is very quiet now.”

“How are you managing? Have you had to move?”

“Doctora,” Mr. Lopez pauses waiting until I look up and give him my full attention. “My mother couldn’t get out of bed this last year. I managed to take care of her. I sure can take care of myself.”

I blush. This is the closest to an angry word I have ever had from Mr. Lopez, and I deserve every bit of it. I’ve been treating him for a year, but I don't understand a thing about his life.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean -- I just assumed.” I struggled for words. I did not want to offend this man, always so courteous and patient. “But how do you possibly manage? It’s not just your paralysis, but your feet. You can’t even -- ”

“Doctora. I got shot over twenty years ago -- and it was pretty much my own fault. For a few weeks I thought all about ‘I can’t.’ I couldn’t get out of my mind all the things I would never do. But then I decided, ‘Hey, I’m alive. The Lord is not done with me.’ So, every day I just do everything I can do.”

I am humbled and have no response. 

“So I took care of my mother. I owed her that. She gave me life and I wasn’t gonna put her in a nursing home.”

“You’re like MacGyver,” I say. 

“Oh Doctora,” Mr. Lopez laughs, “I love that show.”

I have an idea. “Do you think if I put home health on hold, you can figure out how to you reach down to your foot and dress the wound yourself everyday?”

“I’ll find a way if you tell me what I need to do.”

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“Jesus Lopez is healed.” My medical assistant moon walks in the hall outside Mr. Lopez’s room at his follow up appointment two weeks later. 

I walk into the room, hoping but not convinced. I shine the spotlight on his foot. Indeed there is a thin, translucent layer of pink tissue over the wound.

“Mr. Lopez, you are healed.” I can’t help but grin. 

“I thought you’d like that, Doctora. Thank you for healing me.”

“Mr. Lopez, are you kidding? You did it. I’m just sorry I didn’t have you change your own dressings months ago.”

“That’s OK, Doctora. You always did your best. Sometimes it takes trying different things before you get them right.”

Copyright Allyson Chavez Larkin

About Allyson Larkin

Allyson Chavez Larkin is a family physician specializing in wound care. She lives in Corpus Christi, Texas with her unfailingly patient husband, a Midwest transplant who still cannot get used to the heat, and three lovely children who are turning into amazing people right in front of her eyes. She reads and writes voraciously in her spare time. Middle grade and young adult fiction are her guilty pleasures.  

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Alyanna Mena lives in Corpus Christi. She believes many choose to live to work, but she reminds herself to work to live. She enjoys reading, painting, drawing, and singing.

Early Evening

When the sun and the moon pass off shift report as the moon dresses for work.

Being a white night owl, the hue in the sky signals my need for candy. Because within a place, all different sorts of confectionaries await to be swallowed. 

Each step on the tile, rhythmic like a heartbeat. The door beeps behind me as the lock engages and I breathe in the cold air perfumed with alcohol.

I study each jar carefully deciding which will fill my craving. As I lift a bottle the soft rattle increases the anticipation as I choose my sweet. My mouth waters like a toddler.

My fingers twist the lid open and I place 3 small red pills onto my palm of my hand. I lick my lips, work has just started. 

 

A parting playlist

 

River walks, cobbled stones,

speckled slender pistachio kisses in mint condition

A vinyl record repeatedly dancing in the Camden Castle

as they took their first steps together

Houston, we have a problem

Striped sunlight smears as warmth wrapped the fabrics of you and me

Binding the story that started with Steam in October on a blue day

Waves carried the fine sand, picked off rocks from Rockport with each granulation encapsulating color.

A bed of stars sporadically spiraling with synchronicity until the orbit releases gravity preventing those constellations from colliding in catastrophe 

Instead skating further away from each other on cracked pavement, and when I fall from the flawed foundation I am blinded by those fibers that once held us together. 

Fibers that glittered and frosted the trees along the river walk, guiding our boat with a shimmering fire that casted the cold aside with your Columbia jacket and radiant eyes. 


Deafening static fill the speakers until all I hear are barks, the bubbling of the coffee machine, cars racing down Ennis Joslin, and a record stuck on repeat.


The record of heartbreak reverberating from bitter blindness caused by our collapse.


After all, stars shine the brightest before they perish leaving nothing but molecules, dust, and elements awaiting another beautiful creation with you. 

And in this case, I store that bittersweet heaven in locked memory cabinets that open while asleep. And stay stuck on repeat.

 

Joey

 

Can’t tell tale this time 

Without taking a sip of scotch

And a shot of the past 

The cable swivels onto the right channel

And our play resumes in the green theater

A grin and a grimace 

The show recalls, and the actors bow and exit to different stages of life

Static, another swivel, and a familiar production from the conduction of electricity 

Here comes my favorite part, when the reruns take us back to the bar and back to the start.

 

Candy

 

What an enticing wrapper

Dried, the rustling cover sounded of leaves

Yet when wet, scarlet bleeds through

What an enticing wrapper

Dried, the rustling cover sounded of leaves

Yet when wet, scarlet bleeds through the delicate paper onto your fingertips

The holder doesn’t remember the sweeties’ origin other than from their pocket

Your lustful eyes gaze upon my naked body 

My clothing crimped in one hand while gripping me softly in another

You place me between your lips and suck the sweet juices 

The swirling cinnamon burns the tongue but cools when inhaled 

So long as you don’t choke.

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Alyson Greene facilitates a weekly writers' support group and book club via zoom through The Writers' Studio of Corpus Christi. She is happiest when playing in the waves with her husband and children.

 

Firsts

 

I didn’t want to go out on the water. Seth, Amber, and I had spent our childhoods running along the soft sand and splashing in the warm surf. But we weren’t kids anymore and Amber had moved away. In the weeks since she’d left, I saw everything in the sharp contrast of before and after. I didn’t know how to be the same girl without her. 

But when Seth flashed a dimpled grin asked me to go kayaking, I thought maybe we could find a way to bridge the gap between the kids we were and whatever we were becoming.

We didn’t speak as we paddled away from where his dad had beached the boat. The wind worked against us, but even without words, we soon became synchronized and both did two strokes on the right for every one on the left. 

Once we were around the bend of the weed-covered shoal, I felt Seth stop paddling behind me. I stopped too and balanced the paddle across my knees. Droplets of water dripped down my legs.

“I’m sorry,” Seth said.

“For what?” I tried to turn to look at him, but the kayak wobbled too much.

“I don’t know. Are you mad at me?”

“No. I miss Amber,” I said. 

“Yeah.” Seth cleared his throat and swirled his finger through the water beside us. “I mean, it was just practice, right? It didn’t mean anything.”

The night before Amber moved away, she’d explained how she couldn’t start ninth grade without knowing how to kiss. The three of us had shared so many firsts together, and she’d said she couldn’t imagine having a first kiss with anyone else. Hope had bloomed in my chest at her words, but as I watched Amber’s lips meet Seth’s, it curdled in my stomach. They’d pulled away, giggled, and kissed again. I’d run out of the room, nauseous.

“Were you jealous?” he asked.

“No,” I lied.

“Everything’s fine, then?” He sounded skeptical.

“Yup.”

He slapped the surface of the water, splashing me. Despite its warmth, my spine tightened at the shock of it. I let out a laugh.

“Come on, talk to me,” he whined. “Amber’s gone and I can’t…”

His voice trailed off, but I knew what he meant because I felt it too. In one night, I’d lost them both.

I was too scared to look at him, but I’d never held back from him before.

I gathered my courage and passed my paddle back to Seth. “Hold this.” I inched my body around to face him. The kayak rocked as I moved but Seth shifted his weight to counterbalance mine. 

“Have you ever kissed anyone?” he asked.

“No. You know I haven’t.”

He shrugged as if I could have a harem of lovers he didn’t know about. “Have you thought about kissing anyone?”

I scoffed. “Of course! Loads of people.”

“Oh, okay.” His dark brows lifted above his sunglasses. “Could I see this list?”

“What list?”

“Of the people you want to kiss.” He made small splashes in the green water.

I felt my lips twitch up in an uncontrollable grin. “Why do you want to know?”

He splashed me again. “You know.” 

I laughed and splashed him back. “Say it!”

He leaned over to fling more handfuls of water at me. The kayak rocked. We stopped splashing and steadied ourselves. Seth shifted his weight. “Can I kiss you?”

I took a steadying breath. “Everything’s changing.”

“That isn’t a bad thing.” His face softened.

I leaned toward him, placing a hand on his shoulder. I stopped with my face centimeters from his and whispered, “Don’t let me fall in.”

“Never,” he whispered back.

I kissed him. His mouth was warm and salty like the gulf. The buckles of our life jackets clicked against each other. The kayak swayed. We pulled apart.

“See?” he smiled, like everything had been fixed.

Except it hadn’t, because I wished his lips were Amber’s.

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Alyssa Outhwaite is a graduate student at Texas A&M University-Corpus Christi. Her love of writing began in middle school.

 

Only if

 

Sneezing, wheezing, coughing, hacking

Still I lay there typing tapping

Keyboard strokes, no time for napping

Pushing through pain, my strength sapping.

Eyes watering, breathing ragged

Forcing forward feeling haggard

Pages frayed my corners jagged

To stop is lazy? I’m staggered.

To rest, to sleep, to breathe’s a crime

Too many things, not enough time

Repeats all day, my mantra chime,

“If I had more hours, I’d be fine.”

It’s a lie, I’d fill each with more

And endless time? I’d be a whore

Selling my soul for open doors

How else do I move forward?

Enough, enough! I want to rant

Where is the time for me? I pant

The rest, they sleep, and breathe! I can’t?

Is this the prize ambition grants?

Pressing on to be efficient,

Perfect model of persistence,

But will alone is not sufficient

Blunted axes are deficient.

I should stop to sharpen my tool

To restore the mind, rest is fuel

These seem like lies, and I a fool

For wanting breaks to be a rule.

You’d think stopping would be easy

To care less, be light and breezy,

But it’s so hard I feel queasy.

Surrender makes me uneasy.

Fear of failure keeps me going

Climbing high no weakness showing

With each new height my dread growing.

Sure to fall but there’s no slowing.

At the top I toss a token

Wishing, praying words unspoken

From this nightmare to be woken

Yet terror remains unbroken.

At the end, when my time has come 

I hope, of all the things I’ve done,

That regret not have the largest sum.

Maybe. Only if change has won.

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