Writers--John
​Jon Adcock lives in Northern California. He loves alt-rock, Akira Kurosawa movies, and craft beer. Rage Against the Machine, the Black Keys, and the Warlocks are in heavy rotation on Spotify for writing inspiration.
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Under the Twinkle of a Fading Star
My right eye was an implant. As I rode down rain-slicked streets, the portable feed traced the route in red on the implant. I followed the directions until I came to a small store on a rundown, darkened cul-de-sac. The lights in the store were still on, and Lucius was seated behind the counter. The customer area before him was cluttered with stock shelves filled with antique tech. Locked cages behind him presumably held the valuable junk.
A bell sounded above the door as I walked in. His right arm quickly disappeared under the counter, and he looked at me with an expression of wariness and distrust. He was at least 70, grizzled and leathery, with a spider web of scars on the left side of his face. His left arm was prosthetic.
“We’re closing up.” His voice was as grizzled and leathery as he was.
“Must be doing pretty well to turn down business.” I glanced around the empty store.
“Don’t worry ‘bout me. I’m doing all right. What do you want?”
“I’m going to reach into one of these pockets and pull out my portable, Pops. I’m only telling you this if you have that right hand on something other than your dick. No need to start things off with an unfortunate misunderstanding.”
His eyes never left me as I slowly walked over to him. There was a brief hesitation before he took the portable, and after he glanced at the display, his right hand snaked back into view. He scrolled through the screen with interest.
“Most of this is old military tech—cybernetic stuff. Not too easy to get anymore,” he said. “And this last item. A very unusual request.”
“You’re supposed to be the best scrounger around.”
“If it’s out there, I can get it.”
“I’ll make it worth your while.”
“What were you? Marauder Class?”
“Nah. I was strictly recon.” I smiled slightly as he visibly relaxed.
“So, how much of you is steel and Syntha-Flesh?” he asked as he jacked the portable into the data port implanted in his right temple.
“Pops, it’s easier to ask how much ain’t.”
We reminisced for a while. A couple of old soldiers trading war stories and a few bald-faced lies we were too polite to call each other on. Finally, I told him I had to leave and got a commitment to have most of the items on the list in three weeks.
“Ghost tech?” he asked as he reached out and fingered the fabric of my jacket. “How much you want for it?”
“Sorry, not for sale. Still comes in handy these days.”
“Hey,” he called out as I started to walk out the door. “Is Jackson your first or last name?”
“Does that even matter anymore, Lucius? It’s what I answer to.”
I was state-of-the-art once, but now had more in common with those bins of discarded junk than anyone I passed on the way here. I was old tech embedded in even older flesh, and obsolescence was a bitch. I rolled the motorcycle into the street and straddled it. Like me, the bike was Pre-Burn, but it purred as softly as a kitten when switched on. Technically, the bike wasn’t “mine.” I checked it out from the motor pool a year ago. Like clockwork, an automated request was sent each week asking for it to be returned. I never got tired of deleting it.
The night was chilly, and tendrils of fog groped after me as I rode. Public transportation ended hours ago, and the late evening streets were sparsely populated. By now, all the good and conscientious citizens were snuggled under their covers, resting up for the drudgery of their jobs the next day. Few could be called good or conscientious where I was headed.
For two weeks, I’d been looking for a 15-year-old girl lost among the drunks, druggies, and hard cases of the Fester. The girl was the daughter of an old friend, and I was determined to find her.
Little more than a drizzle, the afternoon’s rain had done little to wash the city clean. The streets were more oily than wet, and the buildings were smeared with soot and industrial filth washed down from the perpetually hazy skies. As I got closer to the Fester, the more things were dressed in squalor. In some blocks, the buildings had been razed, and the only thing left were foundations filled with stagnant water and trash.
On a deserted side street, I parked down a narrow, garbage-filled alley that stank like piss and slapped a holoprojector on the bike. It disappeared, replaced with an image of the wall. That was as safe as I could make it. Several years before, the authorities had tried to use sentry drones to patrol at night, but the attrition rate was too high. The scavenged scrap metal, tech, and weaponry made a downed drone worth its weight in gold. People had devised various imaginative and innovative ways to swat them out of the sky. Since then, Security had given up on the Fester, resigned to let lawlessness reign between the occasional random sweep.
A streetlight flickered on and off on a far corner. The dark swelled and seethed at the edges of light, then rushed in to fill the void like an inky tide. A group of wannabes was gathered near it. There were five of them, all in their 20s, and their laughter and horseplay stopped when they noticed me. To a man, they each struck a pose that they thought intimidating. Something they’d probably learned from watching old vids. I tried not to roll my eyes.
“It’s late, Gramps. Must be past your bedtime…heh...heh,” one of them said when I got closer. He was about 4 inches shorter than me, stocky, with long hair pulled back in a ponytail.
“I’m good. Took a nap this afternoon.”
“Took a nap…heh…heh.”
“Looking for a girl,’ I reached out my arm. A foot-high holo of Toni appeared in the air over my open palm. ‘Seen her?”
“Looking for a girl…heh…heh.”
“This will go a lot faster if you stop repeating everything I say, son.” My frustration over the last few days flared into anger.
“Didn’t just see her, Gramps. Fucked her and killed her. Should’ve heard her squeal when….” Whatever else he was going to say was cut off when I lashed out with my right arm, grabbed him around the throat, and lifted him off the ground.
“So, how ‘bout the rest of you? Seen her?” I asked their retreating backs as the one I held scrabbled and clawed at my arm. When his pawing grew weaker, I let go, and he fell to his hands and knees.
“If I thought you idiots had done something to her, there wouldn’t be enough left for Body Retrieval to bother with.” I knelt, grabbed his hair, and pulled until he made eye contact.
I walked away and left him there. I reached up and rubbed my right shoulder when I was down a few streets and out of sight. It would be stiff and sore when I woke up the following day. For the next four hours, I talked to street people and visited bars, gambling dens, and brothels. The result was the same one I’d gotten each night since I started. No one had seen Toni or knew anything about her. This wasn’t some Pre-Burn vid. There wasn’t a trail of clues like breadcrumbs leading to her, and the feeling that I wasn’t up to the job grew.
This is a tale of two cities, a story of haves and have-nots. The have-nots lived up here in the filth of Old Town, under skies perpetually hazy from the smokestacks of the city’s industrial section. The haves lived in an underground enclave in the hills outside the city. The enclave existed pre-Burn and, back then, had a name that reflected the pretentiousness of the one-percenters residing there. Nowadays, if it was called anything at all, it was called Grubville by the Townies.
Toni had left Grubville one morning three weeks ago. She was chipped, and enough infrastructure was left to track some of her movements that day. The public transportation dropped her off at the open-air market in the town center. She walked to the Fester from there, and then her chip went dark. I’ve gotten a few errant children of the elites out of jams before. Usually, it was a teenage boy with more hormones than common sense—someone who wanted a little taste of danger and thrills. An idiot I had to drag out of some drug house or brothel. This was different. Her chip going dark strongly indicated that someone had snatched her.
People see things and hear things. They’ll talk for the right price, but two weeks of showing her holo and dangling a reward had gotten me nothing.
Home was a small, two-story townhouse in a section of the city a few steps above the Fester. The floor plan was simple. There was a kitchen, dining nook, and living room downstairs. Two bedrooms were upstairs. The décor was dumpster dive/rummage sale chic. When I got home, I rolled the bike in, left it leaning against the living room wall, and looked for something to eat. Most of the things in the fridge were of questionable age, but there was a container of grilled meat I had bought from a street vendor two nights before. It wasn’t vat-grown and gave a new definition to mystery meat, but at least it hadn’t been two-legged when breathing.
After dinner, I grabbed a bottle of booze from the cupboard and settled on the threadbare couch to read Don Quixote. I bought it and a box of other books from a vendor in the marketplace a few weeks ago. The books were old and musty, with loose bindings and yellowed pages, but they gave me an escape from reality’s harsh edges. So did the booze.
It was late afternoon when I woke up. I lay there on the couch for a while and took inventory of all the hurts. As expected, the right shoulder was a new one. The sun was making one of its rare appearances, and pale sunlight dribbled in through the front window. The light was so weak that the sun must have felt like I did. I had made good progress with my book but even better with the bottle. I finally got up and only felt half dead after a shower and a few protein wafers.
The second bedroom was set up with a rickety desk and workstation. I logged into Security and went through my daily checkoffs in the hunt for Toni: hospital and morgue admissions, arrest reports, and any results from the surveillance barnacles I had surreptitiously scattered around the Fester. The barnacles were semi-flat, 4 inches across, and would adhere to any surface. They had the added advantage of being able to chameleon to whatever they were attached to. An anomaly or a facial recognition hit would trigger an alert, and one of them had transmitted the previous night. I watched the video several times and only saw an empty street. Finally, I caught the tell-tale shimmer that indicated someone was using a scrambler field to fool surveillance. After years of vandalism of any monitoring means, the Fester was a security dead zone. Wearing a scrambler in that environment was unusual, but paranoia was probably as commonplace there as the rats. Still, it was worth a look.
The area was near Ground Zero, and most structures had suffered damage from the blast and subsequent firestorm. Blackened tree stumps lined the road, and piles of rubble 20 feet tall showed where buildings once stood. In some places, all that was left were twisted girders that reached up to Heaven like a dying man’s hands raised in unanswered supplication. The area was what a whimper of pain would look like. The building the shimmer had disappeared into was an old warehouse on the edge of the devastation. It still bore scars from where the flames had licked at it.
When I stepped inside, I was assailed by noise and a funk composed of mildew, reefer, and unwashed bodies. Converted into a nightclub, the interior was dank, dim, and packed with people. A U-shaped bar in the center looked like it had been cobbled together from lumber scavenged from the surrounding scrap heaps. Mismatched tables and chairs were scattered throughout. A hole was cut into the floor near the far wall, and a large group was crowded around the railings that circled it. Over their shouts, I could hear growls and yelps of pain. I pushed my way to the front. A fighting ring was set up in the brightly lit basement, and two recombinants were locked in a struggle. Recoms were our bioengineered slaves, chimeras the splicers created with animal and human DNA. Both were Canis and tore into each other while the crowd around me cheered and placed bets. Not for the first time, I wondered who the real animals were.
I moved over to the bar and ordered a beer. If Shimmer were here, I trusted my finely honed detective skills would pick him out. I leaned back and observed the crowd, looking for anything unusual or suspicious. The guy at the end of the bar was bare-chested, and his entire upper body and head were covered in a spiderweb tattoo. He also had a large, realistic spider tattoo on his chest. I raised my beer and then froze as the spider started to move. It crawled to his shoulder and then down his arm to the bar. Its head was rat-like. I muttered, “Fucking splicers,” and moved down several stools. The new plan was to finish my beer, show Toni’s holo around, and then go home.
“Someone wants to see you,” a voice rumbled as a large hand slapped down on my shoulder.
I looked up. The voice and hand belonged to one of the largest humans I’d ever seen. He was at least 7 feet tall, and it looked like his muscles had their own muscles. He also had enlarged facial bones and a misshapen body, the usual signs of backroom gene mods and wet augmentation. Goliath stared down for a moment, turned around, and lumbered off. I swiveled around on my barstool and waited. Finally, after about 20 feet, he realized I wasn’t following behind like a puppy dog and lumbered back.
“I said someone wants to see you,” he rumbled again.
“Yeah, heard you the first time, but it still sounds more like a statement than an invitation.”
“You need to follow me.” His face creased up in frustration.
“Lead on.”
I grabbed my beer and followed. The bar was crowded, but people quickly moved out of the way. He was like a great white swimming through schools of minnows, and I trailed behind in his wake. Our goal was a table at the far, quieter end of the bar, with three hard cases sitting at it. It was evident that the one in the middle was the man in charge, and the other two were hired muscle. He was short, fair-haired, and had a build that had been muscular at one time but was on a downhill slide toward fat. The other two were big and beefy. In front of him was something as rare as a unicorn: a bottle of Jack Daniels. There was one glass next to the bottle.
“Here he is, Len,” my escort said, petulantly adding, “He thinks he’s funny.”
“Antagonizing Donny isn’t very smart,” Len gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. There was a jitteriness about him that had to be chemically induced.
“Doing stupid things is one of my personality traits. I like to think it’s endearing.” My smile didn’t reach my eyes either. “So, how ‘bout cutting to the chase? What do you want?”
“Man, hostile and impatient. No wonder you old-timers fucked everything up so bad. I’m trying to do you a favor, man, so sit down, have a drink, and stop being such a dick. Hey!” This last was said to the busser walking past us. “Get my friend a glass.”
I sat down across from him. Donny was a looming presence directly behind me. After the busser returned, Len opened the bottle and poured two fingers worth into each glass. He raised his glass in a toast, waited until I did the same, and slammed it back. I took a cautious sip.
“So, whaddya think?” he asked.
“Not sure whose bathtub it was made in, but that’s not Jack. So, I sat and had my drink. What do you want?”
“You crack me up, man. OK, let’s get down to business. Hear you’re looking for someone. I can help.”
“Yeah, I’m looking for a girl. Seen her?” I asked with my palm up and Toni’s holo slowly rotating. My arm started to tremble, and I steadied it. The trembling had begun over a year ago and was getting worse. There was a crash nearby. The busser had dropped a tray of glasses and was clumsily trying to clean it up.
“Look at that dress and those curls. That’s no Townie. So, a little lamb is lost among us wolves. No wonder Security was up everybody’s asses a couple of weeks ago. So, what? They came up with jack, and you’re Plan B? Bet Daddy Grub is paying a lot to get her back.”
“If you’ve got some info, I’d like to hear it. If not, we’re done here.”
“We’re done when I say we’re done. Have to tell ya, man, this tough guy act is starting to wear on me. Don’t get me wrong, bet you were a badass, but that was, what, like 30 years ago. You’re old now and should take it easy. Go home and put your feet up. Enjoy your twilight years. Before you leave, though, upload everything about the girl and her daddy. We’ll take it from here. Daddy will get his little darling back. Provided, of course, he pays the asking price.” He used his forefinger to slide a data transfer module across to me as he said this.
“So, here’s what’s going to happen,” I picked up the module, snapped it in half between my thumb and fingers, and dropped the pieces on the table. “I’m getting up and walking out of here. And you’re going back to whatever you do. Deal some Bliss. Sell bootlegs of Jack Daniels. Whatever. Just stay away from her and me. Do that, and you might live long enough to be as old as I am.”
“Why’d you go and do that?” He scooped up the broken pieces. “I wanted to keep things nice and friendly like, but I guess some people can’t be reasoned with. So now, it’s gotta get…messy.”
I slammed the table forward, knocking all three over backward in their chairs. I flipped the table on top of them, grabbed the chair I had been sitting on, and swung it against Donny’s head. The chair shattered, and Donny was knocked back a few feet. He gave me a smile that let me know I was in for a world of hurt and came at me. I ducked under his punch and gave him two quick jabs to the kidneys. It was like punching a wall. A backhand caught me across the cheek and sent me reeling over the top of one of the nearby tables. Both hired muscles were on their feet and coming at me then. When one of them got close enough, I grabbed a chair and brought it down on his head. He dropped and wasn’t getting up. I threw a table at Donny to slow him down. A kick to the groin sent the second heavy to his knees. I pulled his head up by the hair and punched him rapidly. He crumpled to the ground. Donny stalked me as I tried to keep the tables between him and me. Now I knew how a mouse felt. There had been screams and a scrambling exit from this part of the bar when the fight started. Four bouncers stood nearby but were in no hurry to step between Donny and me.
“Take a look at your shoulder, Donny. Fights over. Another step, and they’ll be cleaning you up with shovels and buckets.” I held up a detonator. There was a limpet grenade attached to his shoulder. I had slapped it on before he knocked me across the room. He stopped and started to reach for it. “It’ll release in about 30 minutes. Try pulling it off before then, and you’ll paint the walls with your insides.”
“Whoa. There’s nothing personal in any of this.” Len held his hands out placatingly as I walked towards him. “I just saw an opportunity.”
“A little lesson.” I grabbed his shirt and lifted him. “Even old dogs can still bite. Listen carefully, Len, so there’s no confusion. I'll kill you if I even hear your name and hers mentioned together.”
When I got home, I skipped the book and went straight to the bottle. It was late afternoon before I finally woke up. After washing down a handful of stimulants with tepid tap water, I went through the daily checklist: hospitals, morgues, etc. No results. I sat and thought. One thing that bothered me was why she went into the Fester. Anti-Grub sentiments ran high there, and Toni was smart enough to know that. Security thought she wandered there by accident and that whatever happened was a crime of opportunity. What if that was bullshit., and she went there to meet someone? Hundreds of Townies worked in Grubville, and one could have struck up a friendship with her. I pulled up the personnel database and narrowed the search to workers who had the day of her disappearance off or called in sick that day. There were more than I thought there’d be.
I went downstairs to get the bottle and finished it while scrolling through the files. Townies were heavily vetted before they were allowed to work around the elites, but I cross-referenced each name with Security just in case. Two hours later, I was still looking. Finally, something nagged at me, and I scrolled back up and stared at the ID photo of Jeremy Sloan, a 17-year-old worker. Sloan was a good-looking kid with dark brown eyes, light brown skin, and a 1000-watt smile. Something was familiar about him. It finally dawned on me that he was the busser from last night. He also worked in one of the residential dining halls up the hill.
Four nights later, I sat on a bench across from the public transportation terminal, waiting for Sloan to arrive after his shift in Grubville. The surveillance of him over those last few days had been fruitless. All the kid did was work and sleep. Searching his apartment turned up a scrambler hidden under his bed, but nothing to tie him to Toni. I didn’t want to hand him over to Security if I wasn’t 100% sure. People who went into their basement interrogation rooms usually didn’t leave them.
Down the block, two indentured workers painted over anti-Grub graffiti sprayed on the front of a building. That kind of anger and resentment was once rare, but times had changed. Lately, a generalized discontent had spread as more have-nots questioned why they were supposed to be content with scraps the haves let drop from their table of plenty. Strikes and acts of industrial sabotage were common. The city was calm like a bomb.
The transport came into view. It carried over 50 workers and was pulled by bioengineered draught animals. After they entered the terminal, the draughts yowled and steamed in the cool evening air as the workers disembarked. Restless and irritable, the draughts seemed to know this was their last run of the night. After this, they would be taken to the kennels in the following block to be fed and put to bed. The draughts were large and hairy, with thick black tongues that lolled out of their mouths as they fidgeted and panted. They gave off a smell like newly mowed grass. Sloan was one of the last workers off. He joined the queue at the fenced, secured property area. A simian-like recom was on duty there and carefully checked the workers’ tickets as they retrieved their bikes and scooters. Sloan finally got his scooter and rode off.
A tracker was hidden on his scooter, so I waited a bit before following him. A street map was fed to my implant, with Sloan’s route traced in red. The city’s streets were their usual chaotic mess. Scooters sped and weaved among the public vehicles and the beasties that pulled them. Pedestrians impatiently waited on the street corners for a break in the traffic. The more daring ones would offer up a prayer and dart across. Creative profanity was the soundtrack to a near accident ahead of me. As I rode, my motorcycle got more than a few envious looks. Pre-Burn tech was in diminishing supply, and the bike still looked good for all its rust spots and scratches. I wished I could say the same about myself.
The looks eventually became less envious and more menacing. When I was in the heart of the Fester, a mile from the previous night’s bar, the red tracing that was Sloan’s route stopped moving. I cruised slowly through a residential area filled with abandoned or partially demolished townhouses. A fire had raged through here, and a long stretch held little more than blackened husks. The tracker’s signal came from a townhouse near the end of a long row of mostly intact homes. I rode past, parked in an alley a few blocks away, and ghosted. The stealth tech I wore was Pre-Burn, and I faded from view like a Cheshire Cat. During the day, anyone looking close enough might see a slight distortion, but I was completely invisible at night. One of the houses on the block was a Bliss house, and eight addicts were sprawled on the front steps, surrounded by empty vials. A baseline dog was crouched near the feet of one of them. As I got closer, the dog’s hackles went up, and he started to growl.
“Rico, shhh.” His emaciated owner reached out and touched the dog’s head affectionately. He settled down but still gave a slight growl as I passed. The dog was in better shape than his owner and would probably outlive him. Bliss years were hard years, and the owner was just another junkie with tombstones in his eyes.
The tracker’s signal came from what seemed like a nondescript house, but its differences stood out as I got closer. All the windows were barred, and the door was heavy and solid. The place looked like a prison. I used a pen-sized laser to burn out the lock and open the front door. Sloan’s scooter was just inside, leaning against a wall. There were voices from upstairs.
The house was dark, and I switched to night vision as I descended the stairs. The voices came from a room at the end of the second-floor hallway. They were muffled, and I couldn’t hear what was said but could tell a man and a woman were in the room. I waited outside the door for a moment and then kicked it open. Sloan was in a chair but jumped to his feet when the door flew open. Sitting on the edge of the bed was someone dressed in men’s coveralls with close-cropped hair dyed black. A determined effort had been made to disguise her, but it was Toni. I un-ghosted, and Sloan rushed me. I ducked under his wild swing, hit him in the kidney, and followed it up with a straight right to the chin. He staggered, and an open-handed thrust to the chest slammed him into the wall, where he hung pinned. Toni leaped on my back, and I dragged her off with my other arm and dropped her on the ground.
“Toni, it’s OK. I’m here to help. Your father sent me,” I said as she scooted backward until she was up against the far wall.
“My father?” I wouldn’t have thought so much anguish could be poured into such a small word.
“Her father is the one she needs saving from,” Sloan said as he wiped at the blood that trickled down his chin.
“I’m not going back.” She pulled a knife from her coveralls and held it to her throat.
“Toni….” Sloan started to say.
“I’m not going back, Jeremy. He’s never going to touch me again.”
Her words were like a punch in the gut, and what they implied made me sick. I stared down into eyes filled with pain and desperation. More pain than anyone that young should feel.
“I thought you were in danger, Toni. I promise you won’t have to go back.” I let go of Sloan and slowly walked toward her, holding out my hand. “Give me the knife. I only want to help you.”
“I’m not going back,” she said, wracked by sobs. “I’d rather die.”
“Do you remember me? We met when you were little.” I crouched until I was at eye level with her. “I had a daughter, and I’ll make the same promise to you I would’ve made to her. Whatever it takes. Whatever I need to do, I’ll protect you. Now give me the knife, and let’s talk.” She hesitated and then handed the knife to me. I looked over at Sloan and asked, “You OK?”
“I’ve been hit harder,” he said with teenage bravado.
“No, you haven’t.” I straddled the chair and motioned for the two of them to sit on the edge of the bed. “So, what was the plan? She runs away and spends the rest of her life in this shithole?”
“Jeremy has family in one of the farming communities. We’re going there.” Toni wiped her eyes with her right hand. Sloan’s fingers were entwined with her left.
“You’ll need a fake identity chip, and both of you need travel papers,” I said.
“Those can be bought on the black market,” Sloan said.
“Yeah, they can, but I’ve seen where you live and what you ride, and you don’t have the credits. By the way, what’s with this place? Bars on the windows and a front door like a bank vault? How’d you find it?”
“I know people in the Movement. This is one of their safe houses. So, what? You thought I was some Townie perv keeping her captive?”
“The thought crossed my mind, son.”
“You suck at judging people,” he said after an angry silence and asked, “How’d you find us?”
“The scrambler. Get that from your friends?”
“Yeah, I use it whenever I go see Toni.”
“A little advice. Never act like you have something to hide.”
It took some convincing, but I got Toni to come with me and stay at my place while I figured out what to do. We rode through deserted streets, Toni perched on the back of my bike with Sloan following behind on his scooter. Once back home, I rooted through the cupboards and found enough miscellaneous foodstuffs to make us something to eat. As we ate, Toni haltingly told me about the ugliness behind the façade of a seemingly normal family. Afterward, I gave her the upstairs bedroom and let Sloan crash on the couch. I grabbed my book and a bottle and went upstairs to read in the office.
After reading the same page three times, I put the book down. It was 2 A.M., time for a reality check. I didn’t know what to do with her now that I had her. Even if I helped, there weren’t enough credits between us to get her out of the city. She couldn’t stay here forever, and there were people far more dangerous than Len around. Eventually, they’d sniff around if Samuel dangled that reward long enough.
Of course, there was another option. I could have Security here in twenty minutes. Toni’s father, Samuel, would be in my debt, and I’d have a fattened bank account as a reward. It wouldn’t even be the worst thing I’ve done. Over the years, the shades of grey I was comfortable with had gotten darker and darker. In that time, I’d probably forged a length of chain to rival the one Marley’s ghost had dragged around. What was another link added to it? The first rule of Old Town was “take care of yourself.” Maybe it was time to follow that rule again. Eventually, trying to be Don Quixote would get me killed.
After refilling my glass, I went to Toni’s room. The door was slightly ajar. I pushed it open, stood in the doorway, and watched her sleep. I could make the call, have a nice payday, and earn the gratitude of someone powerful. Someone who was also a dangerous man to cross. Or I could risk everything, with no reward other than to be able to like the person in the mirror again. I drained my glass, stepped out of the room, and softly closed the bedroom door. Like I told Len, doing stupid things was one of my personality traits. Bring on the fucking windmills.
The next night, I was on the road to Grubville. In the distance, like paint spilling across the canvas of the night sky, storm clouds roiled and advanced. Due to the curfew, the road was empty, so I left the headlights off and opened the bike up. The darkness flowed over and around me as I rushed through the night with only my thoughts as a companion. Eventually, high-pitched whines told me I wasn’t alone anymore. I was flanked on either side by one of the sentry drones, and a third dropped in front of me. Eight feet long and resembling mutant mosquitos, the drones were let loose at nightfall like the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. From dusk to dawn, the area between the city limits and Grubville was a kill zone for anyone without authorization. My ID chip was pinged, and I tried to relax as the seconds ticked. My security certificates were valid, but the drones were Pre-Burn, and their AI tended to be cranky. Finally, with a sound almost like disappointment, the drones sped off to look for other prey.
Ahead, glowing like the proverbial shining city on a hill, was Grubville. It took an extensive support structure to keep an entire city under your boot heel, and the hillsides were spotted with buildings that kept that boot pressing down. Floodlights throughout the compound held the night at bay, and the darkness paced at the edges of light and waited. I turned onto the road that wound up the hill. There were a few workers still about, but they ignored me. The drones would have left me smeared on the highway if I didn’t belong there. On the right, I passed the sprawling Security compound where I used to work. I quit in a crisis of conscience a couple of years before. Toni’s father, Samuel, had pulled some strings and ensured my access and security credentials were kept valid and up to date so I could do the odd job now and then. I owed him. Near the top of the hill was the north entrance to Grubville.
There was a remnant of an old public parking lot nearby. Its asphalt was sun-bleached to a sickly grey, with knee-high weeds thrusting up through the heavily eroded spots. I left the bike there. The heavy blast doors to Grubville reached up to the sky, a monument to avarice and selfishness. I walked between them and entered the wide corridor that led to the elevators. The echoes of my footsteps mingled with the sound of faint growls that came from ahead. A trio of recombinants was on guard at the security screening station just before the elevators. Their human handlers were nowhere in sight. During the day, dozens of guards screened the Townie laborers, but only a skeleton crew was assigned this late at night.
Tall, stocky, and densely furred, the recoms opened their muzzles and smiled their toothy grins. Their growls grew louder the closer I came. My chip had been pinged, and my clearance was known. They must have been bored and wanted a little fun at my expense. The sniffers that worked security with the guards mewled and swarmed around my feet. I did my best to ignore them as they pawed at me and shoved huge noses into places they shouldn’t go. For them, I was probably an exciting novelty after a long day of searching the Townie laborers for contraband and explosives. Finally, one of the guards barked a command and cuffed the more inquisitive ones who were slow to heel.
“Pass!” the largest recom stepped forward and held out his hand, his claws fully extended for a little extra intimidation.
“You know I don’t need one. Gonna let me by, or will we have a problem?”
His grin grew more expansive, but there was no humor in it. His teeth were long and sharp, and he did his best to let me see them in all their glory. The skin around his obedience collar was chaffed and raw. We stood there in a stare-down for a few moments before he reluctantly stepped aside and let me pass. As the elevator door closed, I glanced back and made eye contact with the guard. His muzzle wrinkled in one last snarl, and I blew a kiss. To be honest, I did sympathize. If I were a slave, I wouldn’t pass up the chance for a bit of payback on one of the slavers.
I took the elevator down to the park level. The artificial sun was dimmed, and only a few indentured workers were in the park. They were busy emptying trash cans and cleaning the public restrooms. I sat on a bench in the playground reserved for resident workers, nodding to an indentured who was picking up litter around the bench. He was collared, but unlike my friends upstairs, his collar would eventually come off.
Except for the steady hum of the ventilation system, it was quiet and peaceful. It had been over a year since I’d last been here, and I’d forgotten what it was like to breathe air that didn’t have a taste to it. When I lived here, I would visit the park on Sunday afternoons and watch the kids play. Pre-Burn, I used to bring Amy to parks like this when I was home between deployments. As she played, her laughter would brush lightly across my heart like the breath of love. Samuel entered the park, and I got up to greet him.
“Thanks for meeting me here.” I shook his hand. Samuel was short, fat, and white. He personified why “grub” was an epithet for those who lived here.
“You were mysterious in your message. Did you find out something about Toni?”
“Yeah, that’s why I wanted to talk to you in person. She’s not in the city anymore. The best I could get was that she met people in the Movement, and they smuggled her out, probably to one of the coastal communities. It wasn’t a kidnapping. She ran away.”
“How long ago did this happen?” His face was flushed crimson, and his voice was tight. I’d known him long enough to tell he was seething with anger.
“Just a few days after she vanished. Any idea why she’d run away?”
“Why? Because she’s a teenager and a spoiled brat who doesn’t appreciate what she has and what I do for her.”
“She’s out of reach, Samuel. I wish I could have done more to help.”
“She’s not out of my reach. I’ll find her and drag her back if I need to. I want names, Jackson. Anyone who helped her or even might have helped her. They’ll be lucky if the collar is the only thing they get.” They say the eyes are windows to the soul. The curtains parted slightly, and I saw something ugly and possessive.
“I’m sorry I didn’t have better news.” I pulled off my gloves. “You’ve been a good friend, Samuel. I appreciate everything you’ve done over the years.”
“Your old job is still there if you want it. You’re, what, riding shotgun on trade caravans these days? What a waste.”
“Yeah, but at least I can sleep at night. I’ll send you that list of names in the morning.’ I shook his hand. As he turned to go, I added, “I kept one of my promises to you. Someone hurt Toni, and I made sure he paid for it.”
“Good.”
I sat back on the bench as he walked away. Always have a Plan B. The old scrounger, Lucius, was as good as his reputation. If it was out there, he could get it, and what he got for me was a nasty little variant of the old Novichok nerve agent. Absorbed through the skin, it attacks the circulatory system and causes heart failure in a few hours. I pulled my gloves back on. Syntha-Flesh had its advantages.
By now, the artificial sun wasn’t much brighter than a full moon. I turned just enough to watch Samuel leave. I’m not sure why I did that. Maybe I half expected to glimpse what was in store for him. Perhaps a shadow, darker than the rest, stalking him through the trees. Or a flash of artificial light reflected off a sharpened scythe poised to harvest another soul. There was nothing. Just a man who didn’t know he was already dead, walking home to his bed and oblivion.
I sat for a long time before finally taking the elevator back up. A man and a woman were at security screening with the recom guards. The handlers were disheveled enough that I could guess what they had been doing earlier. The guards behaved themselves on the way out.
The rain started just before I hit the city limits. It was a few drops at first and then became something that would have encouraged Noah to build that ark. I rode through flooding streets, stung by a cold, lashing rain that seemed sent to purify the world. A few miles from home, I stopped at a bar owned by a friend. Trash, dead rats, and empty Bliss vials swirled in a nearby gutter until they disappeared down a storm drain. I pulled off my gloves, dropped them into the gutter, and raised my face and hands to the turbulent, storm-wracked sky. One of the Psalms seemed appropriate: Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.
William was behind the bar when I walked in. He was thin and wiry, with skin that was dark and glistening. He had been my boss on the caravan runs and was still one of my favorite people. The only other person in the bar was a passed-out drunk at one of the corner tables.
“Slow night, Boss?” I asked.
“Shit, most people have more sense than to come out on a night like this.” He tossed me some clean bar towels to dry myself off.
“What can I say? I miss your company. And I need a drink.”
“You need a drink? What happened to all the bottles I sold you a couple of weeks ago?” he asked as I sat at the bar.
“Guess I drank them.”
“As a business owner, I appreciate all the credits you’ve given me. As your friend, Jackson, what the fuck?”
“Yeah, I know. I was doing one of my side jobs, and I guess it dredged some stuff up. I’m off the booze tomorrow. For tonight, though, open a bottle and get two glasses.”
“So, what’re we drinking to?” William asked as he poured a generous amount into both glasses.
“The dead.”
“Don’t think I have enough bottles for that.”
‘Guess the one will have to do.”
​
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John Grey is an Australian poet, US resident, recently published in New World Writing, North Dakota Quarterly and Lost Pilots. Latest books, ”Between Two Fires”, “Covert” and “Memory Outside The Head” are available through Amazon. Work upcoming in California Quarterly, Birmingham Arts Journal, La Presa and Shot Glass Journal.
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FRANKENSTEIN REDUX
All these tubes,
all this buzzing machinery,
she's like the monster on the slab
in some Universal Horror movie
from the thirties.
And the doctor slips in and out
of her room,
not mad and frizzle-haired
like the mad creator of my imagination
but equally concerned
with whether his patched-together patient
breathes and functions.
He holds her hand,
checks for pulse,
remedies her ear
with soft words,
the pinching pain of her time left
with a small white pill.
No Frankenstein, he.
No bolt of lightning
igniting an array
of tubes and electrodes,
blasting into the bolts in her neck
and bucking her body into being.
Truth is,
he's not creating life,
merely forestalling death.
A worthy endeavor
but hold the movie cameras.
​
​
BURIED ALIVE
First shovel load of dirt
is a warm tickle,
a soft feather tippled
across the skin,
a grubby laugh.
By the third or fourth,
it's a game,
like badminton,
with a six foot high net of loam,
and only one side
with a paddle.
By the tenth,
you can see a pattern emerge,
a quilt in soil,
tossed across your body,
sheer volume of material
making up for any
unruly stitches.
By the twentieth,
the thirtieth,
there's more soil
than flesh and bone
in the grave.
It's very dark.
The feathers, the games,
the comforters,
must be in the head
or they don't exist at all.
The fiftieth through the sixtieth
feel like
all the bad things you have done
loading up on you.
The sheer weight of them
takes your breath away.
​
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John Meza writes poems -- and builds bridges. A powerful speaker, he often reads his work at open mics and other events.
It Is Summer
​
It is summer
Mid-august
I have been working myself
Toward nothing
All year
I reached the end today
Looped and woven
My body a knot
Trying to untie itself
​
I have been living
In between
Deep breaths held
With trepidation
Trying to be
Myself
Again
​
My bed unmade for days
Dishes stacked
My gym membership
Unused
​
I am tired
My soul nudging me
Towards sunlight
I prefer the dark
​
It is when I gather
All the pieces of me
Pieces
I still love
​
It is summer
Mid-august
My body is bent, shirtless
Axing suns
I am trying
To be
Myself
Again
By One Deep
​
And as I watched the sunset
​
And as I watched the sunset
I remembered a late summer evening
In the fields of Ohio
Cucumber fields
Dirt
Sweat
And a joy
Knowing my friends and cousins
Were all doing the same thing
We knew no suffering
Only the joy of a hard days work
The suffering was implied
In the color of our skin
The lack of indoor plumbing
A labor camp
10 miles outside the city limits
But the sun set on all of us
Equally
As did the dirt, sweat
And the joy of working late
Into the evening
Watching the same sun set
​
By One Deep
At times, I feel insufficient
​
At times, I feel insufficient
Like not enough water
For a plant
Not enough oxygen to sustain me
I am not a young man anymore
I grow breathless and tired more often
My roots are showing
​
How long have I been here?
What have I done?
I ignored the rain
As it fell last week
​
Sheltered myself
From southeast winds
​
I sleep in the afternoon more
Enjoy hot coffee less
​
I feel a bad wind coming
The retribution of poor politics
A type of war you carry in pockets
I am not afraid
Not for me
My mouth has tasted a blue sky
I have loved
Whatever it is I lack
I hope you find it for me
So I can leave this lonely world
​
In peace
Xoxoxo
​
​
I Once Wrote a Poem
I once wrote a poem
On a pillar
Beneath a bridge
In Bishop, Texas
By dipping my finger
In mud repeatedly
As a pen
It was about a star
Falling
On my tongue
Throat of comets
And how I danced
To save my soul
From burning
Heavy rains
Erased it a week later
But,
At the time
The poem and I
Were eternal
True story
John Meza adds, "This is a true story about a poem I wrote on a pillar beneath a bridge, with mud as ink. It happened in November of 2016 in Bishop Texas when I was building bridges there, on hwy 77. I never wrote the poem down, other than on the pillar that day, but remember it was an amazing feeling when I wrote it, knowing it would be washed away.
​
​
I Asked Her Why
​
I asked her why
She was coloring
The tortilla
She said
There was a
Picture of Jesus
On it.....
​
I told her
To use
The burnt sienna
Crayon for
The skin
​
No one ever uses
The burnt sienna
​
I Walked Across
​
I walked across
Five centuries
Of colonial blood
From a land
Baptized
With an American
Coup d etat
Holding on
To a forgotten God
And dreams
When I arrived
At the border
I pressed myself
Against the wall
Trying to knock it down
With the beating
Of my heart
By One Deep
copyright John Meza
John Meza
​
A City Beating
​
A city beating
Streetlights
In the dark
Bleeding on each other
​
A city of stone and sea
Where seagulls
Wake the dawn
From a 200 foot tower
I speak to you
Cover sidewalks
With textured words
​
Tread softly
​
My poems
Are beneath your feet
​
Bad Directions
She was given bad directions
Take a left
At the nicotine stain
Head east
Towards creatures devouring
Stars
It is dawn
A lazy-eyed girl
In rainbow stockings
Is chasing beautiful shadows
Along Shoreline boulevard
I am staring
At a familiar ocean
Drinking coffee, reading Neruda
We are both lost
Waiting on the sun
​
Brown eyed girl
Brown eyed girl
With a rose tattoo
Plump like peaches
Late summer orchard hips
Carving suns
Through moonlight
​
Do you always write poetry
In a bar?
​
No, sometimes I write
In the dark, as I sleep
Other times I write
On the beach at sunrise
Mostly
I write about brown eyed
Girls with rose tattoos
And plump hips like
Late summer peaches
Can I buy you a drink?
​
Whiskey, neat
True story
By One Deep
Jon Gregory worked for The Fort-Worth Star Telegram. His poems, short stories and essays have been published in The American Dissident, The Dallas Review, Contexas, The DFW Poetry Review, the Austin International Poetry Festival's annual anthology, and elsewhere.
​
Postmodern Poem
They're sending up a press release
On the Minister of Pleasure --
Recently deceased.
The boxing days of Nebraska
Are over on this island.
We are adrift with no compass,
The world in sweet reverse gear,
And logic a luxury we can ill afford.
I would sing of the death of reason
As if it ever really lived,
But I can't make sense of the melody.
​
​
In Pursuit
As my cool, efficient car
Cut a metal swath
Through a brisk night
Of early spring,
I saw a muscled mastiff,
A strong, joyful machine,
Dart across the road
And narrowly out of peril.
Suddenly I saw his mate,
A virtual clone,
Eyes dazed and gleaming
With the pleasure of the chase.
I dared not stop
To see the living
Complete the race alone.
​
Chimney
I'd slept most of the day away
And suddenly found myself atop
My roof, inspecting a metal screen
Held onto the chimney top by three bricks.
The business wasn't interesting.
But a rapidly changing tree
In a neighbor's yard was
Turning red, setting off the yellow
Of our backyard trees.
And I suddenly felt like it
Was worth it to have lived this long.
Standing atop my house like a king. ​
John Swinburn established an association management company. Since his retirement, he has used his time to write, relax, and restructure his world view and perspective on life, a work in progress.
​
On Open Water
​
Early that morning, at daybreak, a shallow, nearly opaque layer of water-hugging mist flowed in through the quiet marina. Faith watched it roll in, a slow-motion wave of dense wax sliding in from the open water. It was an odd fog bank, low and creamy, just a few feet above the surface. The masts and decks of boats in the marina were visible, but everything below deck remained hidden. That impenetrable layer of light grey concealed the boardwalk, too, leaving only an orderly cluster of boats rising from a dull, fictile grey cloud.
No one would be foolish enough to venture out in that fog, Faith reasoned, so she thought she could safely assume hers would be the only boat on the open water. She could see the lights of only one other boat. She slogged through the knee-high cloud along the wooden planks between the slips, blind to the boardwalk, so she judged her position by staying equidistant from the boats on either side, safely away from the dock’s edge.
On a clear day, the loud chatter of seagulls would have broken the stillness of the early morning air. Small flocks of pelicans would have glided a few feet above the surface of the water in search of breakfast. The air would have been heavy with the scent of salt water and seaweed. But on this foggy morning, the birds were waiting for better visibility. Silence enshrouded the boats and the marina and beyond, where open water slept beneath a heavy veil. The sweet aromas of salt and fish filled Faith’s nostrils, though the fog muted those scents of the sea.
Until she had moved to the island a decade earlier, Faith had never set foot on a sailboat. In ten years’ time, though, she had become an accomplished sailor, learning much of what she knew by watching other people sail, reading, and watching YouTube videos. Repetition of the sailor’s art, too, contributed to her skills and built her into a strong and powerful mariner. Open water represented liberty to Faith, freedom from the stifling regimens she associated with life back on the U.S. mainland, the boredom she had so loathed that she had abandoned it, at age forty-six, for the island life.
Her boat’s slip was at the far end of the marina, the very last one on the northwest side.
As she climbed aboard Norteña, her 28-foot Catalina, she heard a voice. “Miss! Miss! You goin’ out now? Too much fog, Miss! Better wait.”
She couldn’t see him, but she recognized the voice as Lucius Labade, the de facto manager of the marina who possessed neither the official title nor salary that would normally accompany the role.
“Hi, Lucius! Nobody else is going to be out in this fog. I’ll be careful!”
“Oh, Miss, you never know ‘bout that water. Better safe, Miss. Better safe. I think you wait until fog lifts, okay?” His voice was closer now, but she still couldn’t see him.
“I appreciate your concern, Lucius, I really do. But I’ll be fine. Don’t you worry.”
Suddenly, the little man appeared in front of her, his face directly in front of and level with her breasts.
“Miss, please listen; wait just awhile, okay?”
His hot breath, which she felt through the mesh fabric of her bikini top, startled her. He was just inches away, close enough that he had to raise his eyes and tilt his head to see her face.
“Lucius, you know I’m not going to wait, don’t you? I promise, I’ll be fine.”
“Oh, Miss, I know you one hard-headed woman. I wish you listen to Lucius this time. This fog not like normal. This too thick.”
“You’re a sweet old man, Lucius. I love you for worrying about me! I’m going to be just fine. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
Lucius, at sixty-four, was not much older than Faith. Sixty-four years of salt water and sun had stolen the youth from his skin, replacing it with ragged ancient leather and black dots, lesions of unknown but apparently benign origin.
Faith stood in stark contrast to the island native. Her toned body commanded hungry stares from men. Their undisguised lust was the only truly unpleasant aspect of island life. Though rarely did any of them continue making overtures once rebuffed, they did not hide their lechery. That open display reminded Faith of her ex-husband’s unrestrained carnal desire—for her in the early years of their marriage and for anyone else younger and firmer in its waning years.
Lucius acknowledged defeat. “Okay, Miss, but promise be careful. And when you back you tell me, okay?”
“Yes, Lucius, I’ll let you know when I get back. I’ve got my radio with me, too, so if I need help, you’ll hear me calling.”
Faith untied Norteña, coaxed the diesel motor to life, and maneuvered her out of the slip toward open water. Until she could catch a breath of wind, the diesel would be the Catalina’s only power.
***
Lucius stood, his eyes fixed on her boat, as Norteña slid almost silently away from the marina, the diesel barely growling as it thrust the boat forward. He continued watching until the vessel became a speck in the distance. As he turned his gaze away from the disappearing boat, Lucius noticed another craft slowly move out from the far end of the marina, the only other slip with a light. He squinted to see which boat it was, but it was too far away. He walked in the direction of the slip from which the boat had come. Finally, he determined that the light belonged to the empty slip for Abrázame, a boat owned by a relative newcomer to the island, Drake Pool.
Lucius had overheard Pool making a pass at Faith. Pool, who was in his sixties, thought of himself as a lady’s man. During the two months he had been on the island, he had been involved in several unfortunate incidents in which his “dates” had abruptly left his company after, according to their reports, Drake had groped them. Faith had been one of the women Pool attempted to seduce. Lucius remembered what happened.
“I have no interest in, nor patience for, men like you,” she had said to Pool after he suggested, during a party at the island mayor’s home, that they retire to an empty bedroom. Unwilling to accept her response at face value, Pool continued his pursuit.
“Listen, honey, you know and I know there’s a shortage of men like me on this island and you already know I find you attractive. Do us both a favor and dispense with the obligatory objections because, you know, I don’t take no for an answer.”
Faith’s eyes flashed and a brilliant red fireball ignited her cheeks. “Your conceit is astonishing, especially in light of the fact that neither your intellect nor your looks are doing you any favors. I am absolutely delighted there are no other men like you on this island, because we islanders loathe dealing with trash! Now, you will take no for an answer, Mr. Pool, and if I must give you that answer again, you will regret moving to this island! Do I make myself clear?”
Pool smirked. “Oh, yes ma’am. I know exactly what you’re saying. Enjoy the rest of the parry, uh, I mean party.”
Lucius hadn’t heard the entire exchange, but he had been at the party and heard enough of the words and the way they were exchanged to know of Faith’s displeasure with Pool. Lucius hadn’t liked Pool from the moment he met the man. Pool had always been mean to Lucius, talking down to him, belittling him. Lucius glanced back at the slip where Faith’s boat had been, then turned again toward Pool’s empty slip.
“Best see about this,” he muttered, his brow furrowing. He looked toward the slip that held his own boat. At first, his movements were measured and slow, but as he continued along the boardwalk, he picked up speed. By the time he reached the section of the docks where his boat was moored, his pace was as close to a run as his old body could do.
“Dammit, this not good, I just know is not good!” he said aloud. He unwound the ropes from the cleats on the port and starboard sides of his boat, both stern and bow, then pushed away from the dock with a long pole. His little boat, half the size of Faith’s, drifted a few feet into the pea soup fog; he started his electric trolling motor and steered the craft around the protective jetty and into open water, following the disrupted fog bank like a river.
Twenty minutes later, Lucius began to see signs that the fog was lifting, or perhaps simply melting into the surf. The morning sun was high enough to burn off the top of the bank. A light breeze, the sun’s gift every morning when air began to warm, blew away the remnants of the fog is short order.
Though he welcomed the breeze, Lucius wasn’t happy that the disrupted fog, which had left a bread-crumb trail to follow Pool, evaporated. The only way to follow him would be by sight. He pulled a pair of binoculars from a tray beneath the wheel and scanned the horizon in front of him. Initially, he could see nothing but sky and water, but after another scan he saw something that looked the size of a gnat, a mile or two in front of him. He steadied the binoculars against a wooden brace and looked intently at the gnat.
“Both of ‘em; they both way in front of me.”
Lucius hoisted a single sail and set out in the direction of the gnats on the horizon as fast as the sluggish breeze would take him. Though he knew it probably wouldn’t help, he kept the trolling motor going full blast, as well.
He was surprised that he caught up to the two boats as quickly as he did; in less than forty-five minutes, he was within shouting distance of both vessels, neither of which was under sail. As he neared the two boats, he saw Pool drop anchor. From Norteña, Faith, whose boat was already at anchor, also watched Pool.
When Lucius was just a few hundred feet from the two boats, Pool turned toward him and scowled at his approach.
“Hey, Lucie, what are you doing out here?”
Faith turned in Lucius’ direction, a quizzical look on her face.
“I came to make sure everybody okay; fog bank really bad and could come back. You go back in now, yes?”
“Lucius, don’t you worry about us, we’ll be fine. Mr. Pool seems to want to spend a little time out on the open water with me.” Faith’s smile suggested to Lucius that she was, indeed, fine.
Pool glared at Lucius. “Yeah, Lucie, you don’t need to worry. Go on back to the island. We’ll be fine. We just need a little privacy out here, you know?”
Lucius looked at Pool’s smirk, then at Faith. “You sure? Miss, better if you go back now, okay?”
Pool’s face turned red. “Listen, goddamn it! Get the hell out of here, Lucie! Got it? We want some privacy!”
Lucius looked at Faith again, a deep wrinkle in his brow and his head cocked in disbelief.
“Miss? You sure?”
“Lucius, you’re a sweetheart, but I’ll be fine! I really appreciate you coming all this way, but I’m just fine. I just want a little time with Mr. Pool, away from the prying eyes of the islanders, okay? And, please, let’s keep this between us, all right? No need to start the gossip mill.”
Pool sneered at Lucius. “Go on, Lucie! You heard the lady!”
Lucius started to open his mouth, but clinched his jaw, instead, and began to maneuver his boat away from the two at anchor. As he departed, he shouted back to Faith: “Miss, you tell me when you back, okay?”
“I will, sweetheart! Don’t worry.”
Lucius looked back again. When he saw Faith in the water, swimming toward Pool’s boat, he grimaced. Tears filled his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.
Three hours later, when he saw Norteña come around the jetty, Lucius hurried toward Faith’s boat slip. He waited as she approached the dock, waving at her as she coaxed the boat into the slip.
“I so glad you back, Miss!” he shouted. “I was afraid for you out there with Mr. Pool. You okay?”
“Of course, I’m fine, Lucius. You’re so precious to have worried.”
“I don’t see Mr. Pool boat; he on his way back?”
“Lucius, I asked you if we could keep this to ourselves, right? Can we keep it to ourselves that you saw Pool out there?”
“Yes, Miss, sure. But where is he?”
“You never know what to expect out on open water, especially when you can’t see what’s right in front of you. Lucius, I learned my lesson. I won’t do that again.” She paused and said, “He won’t either.”
Lucius was confused for a moment, but then he began to understand, and the edges of his mouth turned up. She nodded, almost imperceptibly and returned the smile.
“Thank you, Lucius, for looking after me. I’m sorry I sent you away, but I needed to deal with Pool.”
“You my good friend, Miss. Always look after you.”
“And I truly appreciate that, Lucius. Yes, you are my good friend.”
“Mr. Pool not gonna bother you no more.”
“No, Lucius, I don’t think he will,” Faith said, and wrapped her right arm around his shoulders with a squeeze.
copyright John Swinburn​
Juan Manuel Pérez, a Mexican-American poet of indigenous descent and the past Poet Laureate for Corpus Christi, Texas (2019-2020), is the author of numerous books.
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Why Did The Ghost Burn The Toast?
Why did the ghost burn the toast?
So many theories on how this went down
Some of them funny like a nose on a clown
Some of them sadly just evolve in a frown
Some of them sensible, solid and sound
Why did the ghost burn the toast?
So let us begin with the making of toast
A slice of fresh bread, at least at the most
Then slide into toaster to singe but not roast
Now wait for the pop-up, from then you just coast
Why did the ghost burn the toast?
It’s a simple procedure, not much of a fritz
Yet something went wrong, something in this
Where lays the blame, in crumbs and loose bits?
So now dear detective, what did we miss?
Why did the ghost burn the toast?
You think it’s the toaster, is that what you say?
They have their own mind, they have their own way
Sometimes they are good, sometimes they just play
Sometimes it just isn’t, no, it isn’t their day
Why did the ghost burn the toast?
Now maybe you think it’s the current or wires
Yes, this old house really needs to retire
Fluctuations are common in electrical mire
Is that really the cause of the black, burning-bread ire?
Why did the ghost burn the toast?
So now near the end after all has been said
We ask why a ghost even needs toasted bread
What does one eat when one’s simply just dead
You can see through a ghost, do they need to be fed?
Why, the ghost couldn’t have burnt the toast!
If a ghost never eats, how can you blame it on him?
Maybe it’s someone more solid, someone more grim
This culprit for sure can’t be see-through or slim
This case remains open, leave the ghost to his whim
​
​
Jingle Hell Rot
Jingle hell, jingle hell, jingle hell rot
a Christmas from hell, we wish it was not
the pacing of chasing, screams of a lot
it’s just the jingle hell, jingle hell rot
Jingle hell, jingle hell, jingle hell rot
biters are biting, a bringing they’ve brought
it’s never ending, it’s not gonna stop
it’s just the jingle hell, jingle hell rot
What a dark time, such a very bleak time
to rot your life away (goodbye, humans!)
oh jingle hell time, oh what’s-that-smell time
you better run fast while you’re still alive
It’s just the jingle hell, oh jingle hell
(what’s that smell,) it’s just the jingle hell rot
​
Cake
“I didn’t touch it”
so that’s what she said to you
you knew her better
nearly two hours
it sat secluded and safe
in an unmarked box
“I didn’t touch it”
she kept insisting to you
you didn’t trust her
it was so perfect
so delightfully pretty
irresistible
“I didn’t touch it”
boy, you sure hated liars
she touched everything
this one was special
for that one man in your life
in sickness, in health
“I didn’t touch it”
truth now lays still on your floor
“…this wasn’t for you!”
Amor, Acabas De Encender Mi Fuego
permeados de petróleo peculiares
tan acre, pero ¿de dónde viene?
chocado en la oscuridad, algo delante de ti
una extraña sonrisa enciende una cerilla... y ahora ya sabes
Baby, You Just Lit My Fire
peculiar petroleum permeates
so pungent, yet where is it coming from
bumped in the darkness, something before you
an odd smile lights a match… and now you know
Once Upon A Zombie Zonnet: An Alternate Mayberry Tale
“That ain’t never happened in Mayberry,”
you hear Andy say as the dead approached.
“I mean there was the time when Barney drank
and tried coming in hungover for work.”
“That ain’t never happened in Mayberry.
Well there was the time the aliens landed
zapping Farmer Brown’s kin into zombies.
Had to shoot the whole bunch… burn down the house.”
“That ain’t never happened in Mayberry.
Except that time when Opie drove in those things,
weird, Mexican dogs with spikes on their backs,
just about the time the chickens went missing.”
“That ain’t never happened in Mayberry.
Well, maybe it has… just aim for the head!”
Cthulocho No. 2
I am the tense of morbid nights
I am the soul of ancient mass
I am the thing that claws and bites
I am the sound of burning glass
I am the scream from outer sight
I am the depths of ocean grass
I am the spell of all your frights
I am the fear that will not pass
​
Once Upon/ Cthulocho
​
Once Upon A Zombie Zonnet: An Alternate Mayberry Tale
“That ain’t never happened in Mayberry,”
you hear Andy say as the dead approached.
“I mean there was the time when Barney drank
and tried coming in hungover for work.”
“That ain’t never happened in Mayberry.
Well there was the time the aliens landed
zapping Farmer Brown’s kin into zombies.
Had to shoot the whole bunch… burn down the house.”
“That ain’t never happened in Mayberry.
Except that time when Opie drove in those things,
weird, Mexican dogs with spikes on their backs,
just about the time the chickens went missing.”
“That ain’t never happened in Mayberry.
Well, maybe it has… just aim for the head!”
Attack Of The Giant Two-Headed Cloud People
​
(an Indigenous truth re-cast in Corpus Christi, Texas)
looming overhead
like bright, dawning giant clouds
just waiting to strike
we see them staring
as we go about our way
doing what we do
those giant eyeballs
between horizontal ears
shaped like antennas
three long fangs for mouths
on top of chin after chin
for one and his twin
they just stare and stare
so we stare back and we stare
such dramatized eyes
then there was sadness
from the eyes of the giants
vanishing slowly
going… and then gone
vanquished by the morning sun
Earth is saved once more
The Great Whataburger Speaks To Its Lover
​
Corpus Christi, Texas 2013
O’ pace yourself thy lover, pace yourself
for with my name they have consecrated
tall buildings and beautiful, baseball fields
even pretty shrines where I’m created
O’ pace yourself thy lover, pace yourself
for only I can satisfy hunger
for only I can take you to places
where your empty belly will not monger
O’ pace yourself thy lover, pace yourself
with a Patty Melt, Chocolate Shake, and Fries
or a Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit
with Onion Rings and box of Apple Pie
O’ pace yourself thy lover, pace yourself
for there is much more of me to enjoy
​​
Outside Alice High School Facing the Cemetery
​
Outside Alice High School Facing The Cemetery,
Alice, Texas
January 11, 2018
I.
fully past the fall
in the winter of it all
Alice winds whistle
II.
winds by this and that
playing tag among the graves
cemetery cool
III.
winds yet not as cold
resets the season once more
January breeze
IV.
dead, the leaves that fall
dry ground willingly receives
daring nature’s call
V.
small the steps to take
smile so that it may last long
sing along with winds
VI.
by the cool, hard steps
made by man, not by nature
windy reminder
VII.
the cemetery
reminds me to enjoy life
wind touching my face
At Texas A&M Kingsville
​
At Texas A&M Kingsville
February 15, 2019
I.
out in the open
birds singing in the bright sun
winter in Kingsville
II.
campus patio
smooth breeze parts the nice silence
interrupts nothing
III.
what winter is like
this far south of my Texas
short sleeves and short shorts
IV.
unhurried students
classes must run on spring-time
while cold in New York
V.
“bees don’t speak English!”
said to the guy fighting with one
hunger speaks louder
VI.
stretched-thin yoga pants
is this the right place for you?
…what was I saying?
VII.
Javalina Pride:
truly it is all inside
beautiful campus
​
UVALDE, JUST NORTH OF LA PRYOR
John 16:33 NLT
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.
But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
City of some of my very first
dreams and memories
City of my sibling’s birth
and plenty of other relatives
City of most of my parents’ habits,
haunts, and shopping activities
Oh, how I grew to learn
your impact on my family
City of my small-time hangouts
and cruising down Getty and Main
City of the Purple Sage Dance Hall
and pretty, Saturday night chances
City of my athletic exhibition
and my college prep life
Oh, how I thrived within you,
Oh, beautiful city of the green trees
City of some first poetic endeavors
and part of my early writings
City of my initial
and accidental teaching career
City of many friends and relatives
and now my grandson’s place of birth
Oh, how I celebrated within you
in blissful happiness
Now, a city of victimized darkness
and too many innocent dead
Oh, how I weep for you in deep desperation and inconsolable sorrow
​
​
Pendejoism
[a Mexican Indian cautionary tale]
when you understood
how easy it was for you
reading sacred bones
when you realized
how good you were becoming
playing peoples’ lives
when you recognized
wishes materialized
just as you spoke them
when you stopped caring
with the darkness throughout you
circling your soul
when you thought attained
no limit to your power
thinking you were god
then you ceased counting
the multitude of demons
summoned to service
then it was divulged
your final destination
was far worse than hell
The Kaleidoscope-Painted Devil In Hell
(some say a response
is required by the end,
but who really knows…)
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
(…hey man, aren’t you going to
say “hi” back to you?)
Old Chicken Bones (O.C.B. Prototype)
rooster-red-rooster
let evolution bring down
dinosaurs and frowns
rooster-red-rooster
a rolled-up conspiracy
unfortunately
rooster-red-rooster
with your carnivorous ghosts
whom shall we fear most
rooster-red-rooster
your odd historical rout
what’s it all about
rooster-red-rooster
these old bones resurrected
shined with perspective
rooster-red-rooster
a duplicated nightmare
when nobody cared
rooster-red-rooster
now it’s done and it’s too late
man on dinner plates
​
​
Corpus Christi Kaiju
Corpus Christi Kaiju
ever here about
the Corpus Christi kaiju?
until today, no
as real as can be
a kaiju from gulf waters
a platform killer
deep-rig destroyer
what woke it up from slumber
oil-black with fear
man rouses its cage
with deep, pipeline syringes
sucking seabeds dry
within and without
its own veins pump oil-blood
as is its nature
platform one-three-five
on fire and sinking fast
kaiju makes for shore
upon Coastal Bend
kaiju waits for tanker ships
takes back what is his
Pendejoism
[a Mexican Indian cautionary tale]
when you understood
how easy it was for you
reading sacred bones
when you realized
how good you were becoming
playing peoples’ lives
when you recognized
wishes materialized
just as you spoke them
when you stopped caring
with the darkness throughout you
circling your soul
when you thought attained
no limit to your power
thinking you were god
then you ceased counting
the multitude of demons
summoned to service
then it was divulged
your final destination
was far worse than hell
The Kaleidoscope-Painted Devil In Hell
(some say a response
is required by the end,
but who really knows…)
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
said the man with the forked tongue
to his mirrored self
hi, are you new here?
(…hey man, aren’t you going to
say “hi” back to you?)
Old Chicken Bones (O.C.B. Prototype)
rooster-red-rooster
let evolution bring down
dinosaurs and frowns
rooster-red-rooster
a rolled-up conspiracy
unfortunately
rooster-red-rooster
with your carnivorous ghosts
whom shall we fear most
rooster-red-rooster
your odd historical rout
what’s it all about
rooster-red-rooster
these old bones resurrected
shined with perspective
rooster-red-rooster
a duplicated nightmare
when nobody cared
rooster-red-rooster
now it’s done and it’s too late
man on dinner plates​
​John Kemmerly grew up in South Louisiana and currently, he lives near Rockport, Texas.
​
Hemingway in Port Aransas (from CCW2022)
Various accounts of Ernest Hemingway’s visit to Port Aransas still linger on the Island. Some are credible, some not. We know that he showed up here July 20th, 1957, with his friend Arnold Samuelson. Arnold was a young aspiring writer who had hitchhiked and ridden boxcars to Hemingway’s home in Key West, Florida, to, as he later wrote, “Learn from the best damn writer there ever was.” The two men hit it off, and after a few months of fishing in Key West, they took the boat to Port A.
They made the 850 nautical mile trip on Hemingway’s boat, the Pilar. The Pilar was a 38-foot sports fisherman that Hemingway modified by lowering the transom twelve inches and adding a wooden roller to help with landing large fish. They docked at Fisherman’s Wharf on a Saturday afternoon without notifying the press or anyone else; however the word of his arrival quickly spread throughout the Island. Locals gathered around the famous author to ask questions, shake his hand, and take pictures. Hemingway, they said, was patient enough but soon started looking for a fight. Not a real fight but rather a boxing match, an event, he announced, to stir up a little excitement. Several opponents were discussed along with size and speed, and most importantly, who would be brave enough to actually fight the great man.
Locals soon agreed on Big Nate, a black deckhand who worked on the Scat Cat and was rumored to be the toughest man on the Island. Nate had grown up in Galveston, Texas, the hometown of the first black heavyweight champion of the world, Jack Johnson. He had been friends with Mr. Johnson and watched him fight in battle royals, which were illegal and dangerous but lucrative for both the promoter and the winner. At the Galveston City Docks, behind rows of warehouses, they would sink four posts in the ground and loop ropes around it. Then, anywhere from four to eight black men would step into the ring blindfolded and punch it out until only one was left standing.
Nate had never fought in a battle royal but had done his share of fighting around the wharves of Port Aransas. Not only was he brave, but he also had a sense of humor and often repeated a story about the world champion. He and Jack Johnson, along with two of Johnson’s girlfriends, were driving to Florida on vacation. The two women sat up front with Jack in his Cadillac convertible. It was spring and the top was down. Jack wore a maroon mink coat and sped through Alabama at ninety miles an hour. A deputy pulled him over for speeding, and Nate, according to the story he told, heard the deputy talking about a fifty dollar fine. This was back when a hamburger cost ten cents, a chocolate malt a nickel. Johnson didn’t seem upset by the deputy’s outrageous demand. Nate assumed Mr. Johnson had simply misheard the amount.
Johnson opened his glove box to look for some cash, while the deputy waited at the side of the road, a smirk on his face. All Jack could find were stacks of hundreds, the payment from a recent fight. He rifled through his stack, looking for something smaller, and ended up giving the deputy a crisp new hundred dollar bill. At first he was too shocked to respond. He had never seen a hundred dollar bill before and tried to explain that he couldn’t possibly make change nor did he know anyone else who could. Jack listened patiently and buttoned up his mink coat before telling the officer, “Keep it all. I’ll be coming back the same way.”
Beer at Shorty’s
Hemingway and his friend Arnold hung around the dock, meeting locals. The Scat Cat was still out in the Gulf and wouldn’t return until late afternoon, so Hemingway asked about a bar, said he’d satisfy his thirst before taking on Big Nate. A throng of fishermen led him to Shorty’s, where they gathered together on the porch and introduced Ernest to Miss Rose, the owner. Miss Rose was an attractive, well-respected woman, who had declined the attentions of most of the men in Port Aransas. People wondered if things would be different for the great writer, if he’d have better luck.
The bartender served beer as fast as he could open them, while Miss Rose stayed busy icing down more bottles. Mr. Hemingway wanted to know about the local fishing, specifically marlin and sailfish. The men discussed baits and blue water along with various fishing techniques and state records.
“Do fish hear?” one of the locals asked.
This started a big debate with everyone weighing in on the argument. Miss Rose watched as the debate grew louder. Many of the fishermen still wore fillet knives on their belt, something Miss Rose didn’t allow inside her bar. At this point though, she was more concerned with serving her customers.
“Fish cannot hear a lick. They only feel vibrations,” someone said.
“Of course they can hear,” a local boat captain announced. “You rev your engines or bang the surface with a paddle and the Ling come to the surface.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about,” the man argued, “vibrations not sound.”
Hemingway ordered another beer and settled the argument. “Both men are correct,” he announced. “Fish can hear sounds surprisingly well, which are nothing more than vibrations moving through the water. Yet most fish are not attracted to noise. Here’s what I mean, and I learned this from paying attention to my own mistakes. How many of you have ever raised a billfish, had the great fish take a look around and then back off?”
“It happened this morning,” a man leaning against the railing said.
“Ralph, your baits ain’t purdy enough,” someone called out, spawning laughter.
“Were your baits fresh and riding right?” Hemingway asked.
“Sure they were.”
“And yet the billfish somehow figured out the game?”
The man nodded his head in agreement.
“I’ll tell you what happened,” Hemingway explained. “Your crew probably yelled ‘fish up,’ or maybe someone rushed across the deck stomping too hard. Both will scare off a smart fish.”
At some point Ernest grew bored with the conversation and began looking for someone to match his skills at a game of billiards. He called over a man wearing white shrimp boots. “Young man,” he said, “how’s your pool game?”
The shrimper responded confidently, “Sir, I was conceived on that pool table.”
Ernest hesitated and took a closer look at him. “Son?” he asked.
The guy paused … “Dad?”
Ernest sprung from his bar stool and hugged the young man. It was a happy occasion for everyone until Miss Rose, who was cracking block ice with a wooden mallet, looked up and said, “No, I think not.”
Mr. Hemingway laughed it off while keeping an affectionate eye on Miss Rose, whispering an occasional devotion in her ear.
Advice to Writers
Big Nate was fishing offshore totally unaware that Ernest Hemingway would be waiting for him at the dock.
“Sir,” one of the fishermen asked Ernest, “I write every day, but who should I read to improve my writing, other than you of course?”
“Read everyone,” Hemingway told him, “so you know who you have to beat. But don’t try to beat Shakespeare. He’s unbeatable.”
On the trip over from Key West, sitting beside the master, Arnold had received plenty of good writing advice. He was careful to remember everything Hemingway told him: “Write what you know, and don’t write anything before you know it. Only write the tip of the iceberg and leave the rest underwater … For me, I write one page of masterpiece to ninety-one pages of junk, then I throw away the junk.”
Flat’s Lounge
Ernest wanted a Papa Doble like the ones he’d had at the Floridita in Havana. Someone suggested they all go next door to The Flats Lounge. Inside the bar, Hemingway surveyed the large dark room and decided to lead his entourage to the rear corner. He introduced himself to the bartender Howie and asked about the drink from Cuba. “A Papa Doble. Do you know it?”
Back then, Howie was, without argument, the best bartender on the Island. While making Hemingway’s signature drink, he quoted the recipe. “Two shots of Bacardi rum. Half a lime. Splash of grapefruit juice and six drops of marasca cherry liqueur. Blend it with shaved ice and serve it with a head of seafoam.”
Ernest was pleased. He respected any man who took his job seriously and excelled in his craft. “Weren’t you a bartender on South Padre Island?” Hemingway asked.
“Yes sir,” Howie answered.
“I think you knew my granddaughter, Mariel.”
“It was a good time and I met a lot of people back then,” Howie said.
Hemingway tilted back his Papa Doble. “I’m not upset with you, young man, just asking.”
“Yes sir, I knew her well.”
The Big Fight
Big Nate would return to the dock soon, so after another round of drinks, Hemingway and his entourage went to go find him. At the dock, men carried boxes of fresh caught fish from the boat to the oyster shell parking lot where a large sign read, “Port Aransas, Fishing Capitol of Texas.” Deckhands hung fish from the sign. Tourists from the Scat Cat stood next to their catch, while someone from the newspaper took pictures.
Hemingway, along with his new friends, entered the parking lot to find Nate. And there he was, a large muscled black man in a white T-shirt splattered with fish blood. Nate grabbed a king mackerel with one hand and spiked it on a nail. “Let the man finish his work,” Hemingway said, but it was too late. People rushed over with the proposition. Nate looked over at Ernest, giving him a hard study before saying, “I ain’t gonna beat up no old white man.”
Nevertheless, Ernest and Nate were soon introduced. “It will just be an exhibition match, some entertainment for the locals,” Ernest told him.
Once the fight was agreed to, a kid on a bike went racing through Old Town yelling the news to people sitting on their porches. They came from all directions to gather around the bait stand at Fisherman’s Wharf. Some were drinking beer, others were placing bets. When no one could find two pairs of boxing gloves, just one oversized glove with dry rot leather, someone suggested rags. “We could wrap their fists up with some oil rags.”
Ernest and Nate discussed it and decided yes, rags would be okay. While their hands were being carefully wrapped, someone found a brass bell behind the net maker’s garage. After a discussion, the Postmaster was nominated as the official the timekeeper. A shirtless man in overalls used a hoe to scrape a square boundary in the oyster shells. “You all can do your fighting here.”
Ernest wore short pants and deck shoes. Nate wore what he had on, jeans and a bloody t-shirt.
The bell sounded and the two men circled each other. Nate threw a jab that didn’t reach its target. Ernest tossed a bomb, a big right hand as if he intended to end the fight right there, but Nate was quick and ducked out of the way. Various onlookers called out instructions to the fighters. “Nate, counter with a left hook!” … “Come on Hem, throw another big right!”
Nate landed the first solid punch, a quick jab to the forehead, but while Nate was in close, Hemingway stepped in even closer and dug a left fist into Nate’s ribs. Shock and pain folded his face into a grimace, but he quickly brushed off the blow and stayed in there, throwing body shots of his own. When round one ended, both men were breathing hard, dripping sweat. Ernest called out for a beer and searched the crowd for Miss Rose.
In the next round, Nate danced from one side to the other, trying to circle his opponent and tire him out. Ernest pivoted left and then right, always staying directly in front of Big Nate. As the seconds ticked off, punches were landed by both men, but Ernest’s punches seemed to do the most damage, sending a trickle of blood dripping from Nate’s chin. When the round ended, Ernest announced he would go one more. Arnold used a towel to wipe sweat from his face. Someone gave him a swig from a bottle of brandy.
The bell rang for round three. Nate started landing his quick jab, frustrating Ernest, who wasn’t always fast enough to block it or get out of the way. He was getting tired, too, clinging on to Nate for an occasional rest. Near the end of the round, Ernest found the strength to rock his opponent with a left hook to the chin. Nate staggered backward. It looked like Ernest was about to move in and finish him off, but the bell sounded and the fight was over.
The crowd cheered for the fighters. Ernest lifted Nate’s hand declaring the fight a draw. People clapped and whistled, while the two men hugged and congratulated each other. Earnest unwrapped the rags from his fists and slipped some money into Nate’s pocket, thanking him for a brave and fair fight.
Everything in Texas
Miss Rose and her bartenders were ready for the rush, having spent the past hour icing beer, refilling bowls with peanuts, jars with pickled eggs.
“We appreciate the business,” Miss Rose told Ernest.
“Not a problem,” He said, and leaned forward to ask something in private. Miss Rose only smiled without offering a satisfactory answer. Later, Islanders would speculate about this brief exchange. Had she rejected him? Miss Rose went on to live a long and successful life, and even though she was often pressured, she never betrayed the confidence of Earnest Hemingway.
Historians speculated about Miss Rose and what would have happened if she had become his fifth wife. Scholars say that his greatest novels were inspired by new found love, and that Hemingway sought out a new woman each time his writing powers waned. Miss Rose, at the time, had her hands full running three bars and apparently was not charmed by the author’s attention. So when Hemingway failed to produce a final novel before he died, some scholars held Miss Rose responsible, claiming “That woman had no sense of history.”
Arnold Samuelson wouldn’t write much either after this. In spite of having the best mentor money could buy, he never found his voice as a writer. It was sad when, late in life, melancholia overwhelmed him. He isolated himself from friends and family and pretty much lost his mind, sitting naked in his front yard unwilling to communicate. His daughter said he had become stuck in the past, trapped with his memories of Ernest Hemingway.
They had stayed in Port Aransas for a week, Ernest and Arnold, fishing every morning, drinking every afternoon, but they never went back to Shorty’s. On the return trip to Key West, they were standing on the flybridge looking out over the Gulf of Mexico when Arnold asked, “What about Miss Rose? What happened?”
Hemingway paused for a moment before answering, “Everything in Texas either bites, sticks, stings, or breaks your heart.”
​Who is Johnny Jebsen, and why does he keep emailing me?
LOUD (From Memorable Remnants)
I dropped off the end of the social media after short-circuiting on the outrageous political pall. We are seeing why Socrates was pessimistic about democracy. The tower of Babylon: Genesis 11.7, let us go down and confuse their language. We have become lost. LOUDNESS. We need to keep in mind that, politically speaking, we are actually being titrated by LOUD PEOPLE; hence questions like What is LOUD in our world? Interesting for example that merely typing LOUD in caps denotes being loud. Food can be LOUD and colors can be LOUD. What does it mean to be LOUD in people? How are people LOUD? What is clear proof on the importance and recent appearance of LOUD?
My Memorable Remnants
My memorable remnants are few. Not so much for my lack of mental capacity but for the small and focused nature of my background.
As a 4 month old child I was left at the door step of a Monastery; hence, parent-less, without a history I was -- though I had never known it -- turned over to Monastery of the Order of Sanctus Sicario, or what is the Holy Assassins of the Holy Catholic Church.
That no history exists, that nothing has been recorded precludes not that it ever doubtfully existed, but that we were so well hidden.
​​
I dropped off the end of the social media after short-circuiting on the outrageous political pall. We are seeing why Socrates was pessimistic about democracy. We may be physically overruled by a ship of fools.
​
The tower of Babylon: Genesis 11.7, let us go down and confuse their language.
​
We have become lost.
LOUDNESS. We need to keep in mind that, politically speaking, we are actually being titrated by LOUD PEOPLE; hence questions like What is LOUD in our world? Interesting for example that merely typing LOUD in caps denotes being loud. Food can be LOUD and colors can be LOUD. What does it mean to be LOUD in people? How are people LOUD? What is clear proof on the importance and recent appearance of LOUD?
​
Here now is my story.
​
I drive to work in the long line of bumper to bumper traffic with other suburbanites of lesser neighborhoods making their way to work. Real Floridians love Jesus and kitsch but don't eat quiche. Real men love their guns, always sure to stroke it clean and keep it oiled. They imagine themselves "going in" and shooting "foreign invaders," too.
"Where is the sense of things?" I often asked my radio, but the radio never offered solution. It only talked.
​
There are few things that make sense in the world, and one of them is just being with the ones you love.
If you want to understand Florida, you have to first accept that anyone who lives in Florida is not from Florida. You're either old and running for a tax shelter or you're running away from something you didn't like. We're all castaways here.
​
We're all pirates of some sort. Canadians and New York Jews abound -- a contact zone of cultures, Pittsburgh and New Jersey settlements. Lots of trailer parks fly Canadian flags.
Yeah. All pirates here! Here in Florida, they call me Papillon.
copyright Johnny Jebsen
About John Pettigrove
​
A retired physician, John Pettigrove has been fishing all his life.
Run of the Tide (from CCW2023)
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Bill Fant, a Corpus Christi radiologist, had a passion for the outdoors. Like the Karankawa Indians, he loved fishing for redfish and Spotted Sea Trout, especially in the Laguna Madre. For Bill, fishing meant sight fishing. His fishing methods were simple. He used sparse tackle and carried only a handful of lures in his shirt pocket. His method was to hunt the fish on their own turf. He could stalk for hours, walking the sea grass meadows, sand bars and mud flats. If you were a young angler and wanted to learn his methods, he welcomed you to come along and learn.
The first time I fished with Bill was in 1974. His fishing partner in those days was Jim Moser, a tough burley man who worked for the Southern Pacific Railroad. On my first trip with them, it was a hot July summer morning. Roy Grassedonio and Dr. Bert Garcia accompanied us. We launched at Jerry’s Place off Laguna Shores in Flour Bluff and traveled at top speed down the intracoastal in Bill’s seventeen foot Mako sport fishing boat. On the way down the lagoon we passed Jim’s son, Chester, who had gotten off to an earlier start. Chester was standing in calf deep water along the intercostal at old marker seventy-five, a place now called the miracle bar. He was holding up an almost yard long Speckled Trout as we sped past. I could tell right then I was going to like Bill’s’ kind of fishing.
We banked the boat and walked slowly along the shore. Bill had me keep close so he could “introduce me to the fish.” He would glide silently thorough the water looking this way, and then that, checking every speck of grass and dark spot on the sand for a sign of a fin, a shadow, a wake or a tail. I followed bumbling and sloshing along. Bill would occasionally kindly admonish me for making too much noise, point out a fish here and there, and encourage me to cast. At first I did not get it and was usually looking in the wrong place. He would make a cast, just like a forward pass right into the mouth of a waiting fish I never saw until it was on the line.
As the day went by I began to sense the reality of it. He wasn’t making this up and there really were fish out there, albeit at first, invisible to me. And then it happened I began seeing fish in the water. Bill would say if you think you see something, anything don’t take your eyes off it until you think you are going blind. I began to realize that sometimes he saw a whole fish in the clear water but mostly he saw a fin, some shine of a side, an out of place movement or a shadow on the bottom. Sometimes I was fooled and some of those first redfish and trout were in reality big horse Mullet or Hard Head Catfish. But I learned and gained confidence and became hooked for a lifetime.
When I asked him how he got started fishing in Texas, he said when he first came to the Texas Gulf Coast he just watched people. He hung out at Jerry’s Place in Flour Bluff standing around, talking to anglers about who the best fishermen were and watched until one of those men left in his boat. Often, he would hop in his skiff and take off following at a distance until he found where they went and how they fished. He never got close enough so they were ever on to him. There was this one man Andy Anderson. When Bill met him, Andy was an old man. He was the master in those days but so secretive that no one knew what his game was. He would come in from fishing with a boat full of trout and red fish, sometimes selling them at the Fish House. Bill tried everything to get to know old Anderson but with no success. Anderson was tough and naturally secretive. He would have none of Bill’s dockside conversation.
When the old man left the boat ramp at dawn Bill had been at the dock for at least an hour and had putted his skiff out in the dark waiting on him. Then, Bill would follow Anderson at a distance and watch him closely through binoculars until he learned the best spots in the upper lagoon and enough technique that he could begin to develop his own strategies. After a time, Anderson quit fishing and Bill never saw him again. He never knew why Anderson quit coming and no one at the marina could tell him. Bill told me he just guessed some anglers were like that in the old days, had mysterious ways and died with their secrets. And that’s how Bill got started learning from a man he never really knew.
It wasn’t long after Anderson was gone that people started following Bill and for good reason because after Bill and Jim Moser began fishing together they soon became known as two of the best and had become experts in their own right.
Run of the Tide
Excerpt from Run of the Tide
Two hundred years ago, native peoples along the Texas Gulf Coast were known as Karankawa or “Karankaway.” They were said to be a barbarous people and were widely feared by early Texas settlers. They were barbarous, yes, but they lived as one with nature. Few other men had the strength to even string a Karankawa bow. Old-time settlers recounted seeing Karankawa hunters gliding silently through the water hunting for Redfish and Black Drum, sensing the fish in the water just from the vibrations and sounds they made on the flats.
They had lived and hunted on the Gulf coast for hundreds if not thousands of years before the Europeans came. They loved their lives and wanted no other. Modernity damned them for this. Now they are gone. But the Karankawa’s passion lives within us. What was once their passion has become ours, and through our lives, they live again on their beloved bays and flats.
Sight fishing is hunting in a most ancient and primitive way. It is an aesthetic experience that unites us with that spirit of human existence as it was lived millennia ago. It is a mystery that puts us in touch with people long gone from this earth and allows us to see the world as it once might have been. There is purity and innocence about angling. Long dormant passions awaken in us, and we become at once exhilarated and united with some distant past.
Modernity denies the relevance of such experience. Since the nineteen fifties, scientists say we have been living in a new geologic epoch called the Anthropocene, where geologically significant conditions and processes are profoundly altered by human activity. The world is changing rapidly, some say irrevocably. Angling gives us the experience of seeing the world as it once was.
What we now call Texas was once just a blank spot on a map at the limits of the known world. It was one of the dark places of the Earth inhabited by a fierce race, just as ancient Britain and Europe were when my ancestors haunted the Roman frontier.
The Spaniards and early settlers had little regard for the coastal tribes. They considered them savage cannibals who danced in fiery fandangos or sulked in the dunes, inspiring fear and dread. The Karankawa, the Copane, the Malaquite, and the Aranama from which so many of our bays and estuaries take their name are long gone from this country.
We don’t know much about those early native coastal people. We can only guess about the millennia between the last great ice age and the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries when the first Europeans began arriving. Cabeza de Vaca’s account of his shipwreck on the Texas Coast during the early sixteenth century is one of very few extant records of the Texas coastal tribes at the time of the Spanish conquest. While great material cultures arose in the Valley of Mexico and in the Yucatan, it would seem that life along the Texas Coast had not changed from the earliest prehistoric times. But with the coming of the Europeans, everything changed. Even before most Native Americans ever saw a European, the white man’s diseases decimated them. Early mariners and the conquistadors themselves imported savage epidemics among people who had no immunity to even measles, let alone the dreaded smallpox.
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Algonquin Ghosts by John Pettigrove
About Algonquin Ghosts
My childhood was full of wonder and mystery. My sister said my grandmother was of the Delaware (Lenne Lenape) tribe. Her daughter ,Sarah, held an equally strong opinion. She said her mother was crazy and so was I to believe her. My sister is long dead and only has me to stand up for her.
We grew up in Indian country in northeast Oklahoma where the last of the great Algonquin nations were settled by the federal government.
Lenne Lenape literally means “We the People”. The Delaware are recognized as the oldest of all the Algonquin tribes by the Iroquois. The Iroquois was a confederation of tribes including the Seneca, the Cayuga, Wyandotte and others. Many these native Americans were eventually settled in Oklahoma.
A friend, Jim Winnie, was a Seneca-Cayuga. I also had friends among the Osage, and of course Delaware. [1] The structure of that old Iroquois confederation was an inspiration to the framers of our Constitution.
Like some of my stories this one is fiction based on true stories that happened while I was young.
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Behold!
The ceremonial drum no longer speaks.
Many winters have passed since the thunder spirits have been called with reverent song.
The thunders, who are the Manitoo that bring the rain which they have been given dominion over by the Creator,
await the chants of the People.
But the people no longer sing and dance to the traditional songs, and the sacred drums no longer pound to the pulse of the People.
Behold!
The Big Ceremonial House of the
the Lenne Lenape, has burned and fallen. The timbers rot. The sacred poles long ago carried away.
Now birds sing in the meadow where once the people danced. At dusk the whitetail deer cautiously feed on the sweet grass where once the Sachem stood.
Behold!
The Sacred Drum is silent.
Who speaks for the People now?
There is no history and no remembrance. All is shame and the past forgotten.
The structure of the Iroquois Confederation was an inspiration to the framers of our constitution.
Algonquin Ghosts
A few miles from my home a tributary of the Caney River called Panther Creek flows into the Caney, River. Across the creek there was a swing bridge to service an old oil field pump house. Just beyond the swing bridge a faint trail cuts through the underbrush to an open pasture where the Delaware Ceremonial Big House once stood.
Not far, perhaps two hundred paces, a rail trestle crosses the creek and the track winds its way cross country to the small town of Pawhuska thirty or so mile distant.
That pump house thumps to a drum like cadence as it drives the tie rods back and forth through the sweet grass. The creaking and singing of the tie rods gives the place a creepy feeling especially at night. It was not enough that the big house was once there; the sounds of the pumping, the smell of the crude oil and the pungent odor of decaying timbers gave the place a sense of fearsome dread.
My grandfather came to the Indian Territory from New Brunswick by way of Montana where his father spent a life in desperation tending to a failing farm. My sister’s story is that my grandmother was part Delaware Indian. My grand mother’s death was a mystery when my dad was only four. My grandfather soon remarried and tended to his oil leases in Osage County. All I knew about my father’s family were terrible stories of pain and regret.
There were other stories. In my home town. Pistol Pete, the old gunfighter, was still living when I was a boy. He was nearly one hundred years old. Frank Eaton was his name. He held court outside the Burlingame Hotel barber shop in Bartlesville, Oklahoma every Saturday. A flock of little listeners held on his very word as he told of the old times and the men he killed. I was one of those.
There were also stories of the Manitoo, the thunder spirits, the Gitche Manitou, (the Great Spirit) and Gush Ke Wau, (the darkness). They were just stories. Few grownups took them seriously. Almost none spoke of spirits in public. Almost all of the red men had become Christians. One of my friend’s dad who was the Delaware tribal financial chairman was also a deacon in the Baptist Church. He later served two terms as the chief of the Delaware. Those old ways were not to be remembered.
I had friends who were Delaware, Seneca, Cayuga, Cherokee, Wyandotte, and Osage. One day a Delaware friend, several other boys and I visited his uncle who still practiced the old beliefs. He told us many stories. We asked my friend’s father about those stories. I remember his dad took off his belt and started to whip the whole bunch if us. Those days were best forgotten!
But there were still stories and those stories lived. The Manitoo spirits still lived silently in the hearts of many. The timber along Panther creek and the Caney River below my house was haunted by spirits. The legend was that when you saw the Manitoo you saw yourself.
My friends and I often walked the railroad tracks in the Caney River bottoms to a small oxbow lake we liked to fish. My mom’s housekeeper had showed us that lake. We would catch catfish and crappie there and if she were along she would cook them up with fried potatoes on the shoreline.
One day there was a report that two boys had been killed on the Santa Fe railroad tracks near Panther creek’s confluence with the Caney, River.
The boys had been drinking and spotlighting deer on the railroad right of way. They passed out asleep on the tracks. The night train from Tulsa came barreling up the track when the engineer saw something. He blew his horn and the train braked but it was too late.
Spot lighting deer on train tracks was easy sport among the poaching crowd. The pungent smell of crude and decaying foliage masked a hunter’s scent from the game. And the noise of the oil field wheel houses and rattle of the sliding tie rods masked almost all sound even an approaching train.
The boys were brothers and local tough guys. My friend Ronnie, their step brother, was usually brought along to skin the deer and catch a few fish for their lunch. Ronnie had been there the morning of the accident. He was hiding in the brush while his brothers were drinking. His half brother Jack was the worst. He was a bully and a brute. He called Ronnie Rat Face because of his long rat like nose. He and his dad, Bad Sam, used to join in and beat Ronnie. They and had broken that long nose more than once. So that it was twisted almost cork screw like. Ronnie was terrified of his stepdad, Bad Sam, and often came to stay at my house when Bad Sam was drunk or in an especially foul mood. Ronnie’s mom had died years before. The circumstances of her death just like those of my grand mother were strange. Sherriff Lewis investigated but nothing could be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Bad Sam eventually got sent to the state penitentiary in McAlester for manslaughter after a barroom fight. My mom had been on his jury. Bad Sam got out after just three years possibly because my mom did not want to send my friend’s dad to prison. If she had only known.
When Ronnie came out of the brush he found what was left of his step brothers. The deputies said, when they put Jack’s body into a bag to haul it away it looked like a light bulb smashed in a paper bag. There was not a bone left unbroken. The deputies wanted to take Ronnie home but Ronnie just wandered off and finally appeared at our house four days later. He stayed with us a week before going home. Bad Sam was in a rage. His Boys were dead and all he had left was a Rat Faced little “Indian bastard.” Sometimes he called Ronnie by that name when he was drunk.
When Ronnie came back to our house we all stared at him. He was black and blue with bruises Bad Sam given him.
“Lord of Mercy. Boy what happened to you?” Glenola my mom’s housekeeper exclaimed. Glenola was a mother and best friend to all the little kids in the neighborhood.
“Some body been whipping on you?”
Ronnie just trembled. He would not eat. She kept asking him what happened but he would not speak about it.
“Don’t you worry yourself. We are going to take care of you.” Glenola said.
Bad Sam came around looking for him but Glenola shooed him off. She was not afraid of anyone least of all a big Osage like Jim. He was big! Fully six feet eight without boots on.
The fireman and that brakeman on that train were the first to break the story. They reported there was something on the track. They said it was big, really big, and scary like. The engineer throttled down and they braked but could not stop until they hit the boys. That was the story they gave to the reporter from the Tulsa World that day. The story was on the radio. Soon the papers were reporting that the engineer saw a weird large creature on the track and never saw the men.
“If I had seen them boys they’d still be alive.” the engineer sobbed.
“I can’t believe there was nothing else there.”
Washington County, Oklahoma is way too sophisticated for anyone to believe the outrageous tale of the train crew. But the old silent ones knew. Each man in that crew saw something different. The engineer was angry. He said it was a fierce, cruel monster. The brakeman said it brought on a feeling of peace and calm. The fireman felt terror and fear. He said it was a ghost spirit. The old silent ones knew.
One day Ronnie broke down. “I killed them.”
‘You what?” My friends and I asked
“Killed em all.” Ronnie said.
“You are crazy.” We all said.
Ronnie then told his story.“ It was cold with snow flakes in the air like when we built our log fort in the Osage. The wind was coming out of the west and spoiling our advantage. As we crossed the swing bridge across the river I was so scared. I held tightly to the bridge cables and took one slow step at a time. The cable was very cold and my freezing fingers stuck to it. The bridge swung in the wind.”
“ My brothers had already crossed the bridge and were up ahead. As the wind got stronger the bridge swung harder. I slipped. I was afraid to take another step as I moved slowly and cautiously toward the other side.”
The brothers had stolen a quart of Crown Royal from their dad. Bad Sam was a bootlegger and had a lot of whiskey around the House. He would not miss it they snickered. They knew different and knew he would miss it. He counted the bottles every day. Jack said they could blame it on the “Rat” and looked at Ronnie and said “Don’t tell Paw Rat.” and then slapped Ronnie across the face.”
When Ronnie cried they snickered some more. The prospect that he would get whipped for something they did was so funny.
Then they snickered some more as Jack beat Ronnie with his fists until Ronnie was bleeding.
Ronnie began wanting Jack to die. He turned back down there trail toward the swing bridge.
In the evening twilight the two silhouetted brothers looked like ancient Osage warriors. One with roached hair and shaven side burns and the other with his hair pushed back in ducktails. No paint and no rings adorned their ears; they were not on a sacred mission although they were walking on a sacred path.
As they crossed the meadow Jack looked toward the rotting ruin and with a thin smile said :
“The dog eating Delaware Ceremonial House.”
With that they laughed heartily and broke out the Crown Royal and began passing it back and forth.
Two whitetail deer had been in the meadow and they moved off flashing their tails as they trotted away. By then the brothers were too drunk to notice.
Ronnie turned back up the trail to ward his brothers. They were tugging at the bottle. They stumbled toward that railroad tracks to set up for their shot. They began tossing rocks off the right of way and then at each other. When they saw Ronnie one of them chunked a rock his way striking him on the cheek. Blood streamed down his face. He yelped in pain and tears came to him as his face stung and hurt. Ronnie turned back down the trail a second time.
His brothers shouted, “Catch up Rat if you get lost Paw will whip us.”
“And he’ll whip you too if the Manitoo don’t get you.”
Then the brother’s chanted, “The Manitoo’s gonna get you! The Manitoo’s gonna get you!”
They laughed and fought over the bottle.
Soon. It was turning very dark. It was the dark of the moon and the sky turned to blackness as clouds covered the stars. Ronnie sat in misery at the base of the right of way and then took refuge in the ruins of the old Big House crying and shivering in the cold. His flashlight dimmed and the battery was fading as the light flickered off and on. He felt secure his brothers for all their swagger were afraid of the place he thought to himself.
In the quiet and the dark Ronnie thought about his despair and how he despised his step brothers and their paw.
Ronnie’s thoughts turned to the Manitoo and the stories his mom had told him. The Thunderer’s and the Manitoo could be malevolent or good. They could be guardians as or resolutely evil. You could call on the Manitoo for mercy or for revenge. His mom taught him when you see the Manitou you see yourself.
“Could a person call the Manitoo for revenge?” He thought. “Could I ask for the protection of the Manitoo from my brothers?”
He wanted the Manitoo to kill those who tormented him. He trembled. He cried. Hours passed. His obsession made him tremble. He started a little fire in the ruins of the Big House and settled back against an old timber.
No sounds came from the tracks now. The brothers were stuporous. They had started their own big fire, a bonfire of grandiose proportions. It was a white man’s fire.
The wind laid down and except for the drone of the pump house and the singing of the tie rods it became deadly still. The wind stopped The pump engine sputtered and the thump thump of the pump engine and the squealing of the tie rods died away and stopped. The distant glow of the fire on the tracks conjured thoughts of the Manitoo.
As Ronnie watched the glow of the fire on the tracks his little fire burned low and went out. He could hear the engine whistle and hear the train coming.
At the same time the brothers were startled. They woke to the sound of the train. They were frozen in fear on the track.
Ronnie said to us as he told the story,
”you remember that time when we were camping in the Osage? We built the log fort at Camp Mcklintock. Around the camp fire we told ghost stories. I told the story Chester’s uncle had told me about the Manitoo spirits. The one we all got whipped for.” And then he said “No one believes that stuff anymore. You are not supposed to talk about it. But that is what I saw.”
“This thing, a monster, stepped out on the track It was red and black dripping blood. As I watched it I was so angry and wanted to kill them and I did.”
“ You mean you killed them?” We all asked.
“I thought If only I could call the Manitoo and have them kill my brothers. I saw the red face in the glow of the fire and all black around it. I thought kill them! Kill them!”
“Then a faint rumble broke the silence. The ground shook and the train approached and as the sound got louder I still watched the Manitoo on the tracks.
As the sound became louder and the ground began to shake I felt the ground tremble under my feet. Sparks from the fire scattered down the tracks and the grass burned. ‘The train stopped a ways down the track and some men walked back up the tracks. I walked down to the bodies smashed and bruised and dead. I stared at their bodies. Fear and grief gripped me. I wanted to cry and celebrate. I felt Pity and hate.”
The train crew could not agree on what they saw. It really shook them up. One swore a monster was there on the tracks. Another saw pain and fear and a smile with a soft forgiveness.
Ronnie spoke again,
“The Manitoo had been on the tracks, I was so scared I ran and hid in the big house ruins. I hid there four days before I went home and then came here to your house. When I finally got home Paw had already heard what happened. He said I killed my bothers. I left and never went back.”
The sheriff and his deputies walked the tracks and the trains that day were cancelled until the matter was cleared up. Sherriff Lewis looked at the mess. “How many were there?
“Two I guess.” A deputy answered with uncertainty. “Then there is this kid here. He saw the whole thing too.” They looked around but Ronnie was gone.
The headline the next day was “Train crew sees Indian Ghost Spirit”.
Ronnie Truly believed he had called the Manitoo that day. He had called on the spirit of his dead mother and all the spirits. He called for revenge without pity. He cried for days afterward. His stepfather hated him so Ronnie left, never went back and was raised by his mom’s sister. Ronnie had heard me tell about the electric chair at the state penitentiary in McAlester. When I stayed with my Grand Parents in McAlester during the summer if they had an execution the lights would dim all over town. Ronnie knew he deserved the Electric chair for murder but the sheriff never came for him. Who would believe a story like that anyway?
Ronnie never recovered and rarely spoke about that night. He wanted both punishment and forgiveness for the evil he thought he caused.
Years later I saw him on the street one day.
“It was real, I saw the Manitoo and it felt my hate. I am still ashamed” And then Ronnie just turned and walked.
The Manitoo spirits vanished a long time ago. After the Big House burned there was a superstition the meadow where it once stood was haunted. It was a widely held belief. I guess things can happen that no one can explain.
The old Algonquin traditions hold that the Manitoo are guardian spirits. The “Gitche Manitou” was brought to the Delaware by the Black Robe Jesuit priests and was to be loved and not to be feared. It is Gush Ke Wau, the dark one, that is the stuff of horror.
Legend has it and the Sacred Pole In The Ceremonial House of the Delaware people shows a face blackened in death for the death spirit and red with fire for the life spirit. Ronnie lived his life believing he saw the Manitoo that day. It is what the train crew and the men killed on the track thought they saw. “When you see the Manitoo you see yourself.” Always remember that.
“Some times it comes as quite a shock when you recognize yourself in someone, especially if you don't particularly like that person.
"When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see them you will see yourself."
"As you treat them you will treat yourself. As you think of them you will think of yourself."
"Never forget this, for in them you will find yourself or lose yourself."
"Whenever two Children of God meet, they are given another chance at salvation."
"Having made this choice you will understand why you once believed that when you met someone else, you thought they were someone else."
"And every holy encounter in which you enter fully will teach you this is not so.”
In the face of the Gitche Manitou we see the red spirit of life and the black spirit of death. Two entwined as one.
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